An Unlikely Friendship
by Alvit
Summary: Harry feels guilty over many things, decides he's a danger to everyone he cares about & begins hurting himself. He continues his downward spiral at Hogwarts & everyone becomes worried.No one can reach him, or maybe someone can. H/D Slash
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone, this is my first fancic so when you review, please be nice! I should warn you that I have no idea how long this story will be, I don't have a clue as to how long it will take me to update and I only have a vague idea as to where its going so be careful alright?  
  
RATING: R  
  
DISCLAIMER: The characters in this story are NOT mine (but oh how I wish they were!). They belong to J.K. Rowling and I guess Warner Bros. I only stake claims to the plot, which might seem kinda creepy but in my opinion an interesting read.  
  
WARNING: This story contains mature themes like self-mutilation and depression; sorry if you can't handle that. It will also eventually contain slash (not for a little while though). If that's not for thing, then you'd best bugger off unless you'd just like to read up until that part winks. You've been warned.  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
This story begins the summer after Harry's fourth year and the Triwizard Tournament, and will probably go through most, if not all of his 5th year. By the way, he's a bit depressed.  
  
Harry James Potter stood by his window, in the smallest bedroom of #4 Privet Drive gazing longingly into nothingness, while the early dawn light slowly filtered in through the blinds, bathing everything in a cold eerie gloom, even if it did happen to be midsummer. A letter dangled limply from his bruised hand, and he silently wished that his owl, Hedwig, hadn't delivered it to him.  
  
It was July 31st, his birthday, and his Godfather, Sirius Black, having already finished with the mission that he had been sent on with his friend and Harry's old Professor, Remus Lupin, had written to tell him that he had gotten permission from Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, for Harry to spend a week at Lupin's cottage where they were both currently staying due to the fact that Sirius was still on the run from the Ministry of Magic for a crime he didn't commit.  
  
A few months ago, Harry would have whooped for joy at the thought of being able to escape the Dursely's for a week, a specially if it meant being able to see his Godfather and favorite Professor again. But things were different now; he was different now. Different in so many ways that even he couldn't count. He hadn't changed for the better, or worse for that matter, he had simply come to terms with reality.  
  
He still loved Sirius very much and his friends as well, and he knew that they cared for him in return. But that's exactly what bothered him. He didn't deserve their love and he knew it, so why couldn't they see it too? He'd failed them all. His parents, his friends, Sirius, Cedric.and all those poor muggles in his nightmares that died every day from Voldemort's hand, he'd failed them too. "Ah.but they aren't nightmares are they?" Whispered an annoying voice in the back of his mind. They were real, those people were real and he knew it because he could feel their pain every time he fell asleep at night and that pain would still be there when he woke up screaming and clutching at his scar the next morning. They were real, and their pain was too, and it was all his fault because he didn't know how to save them. Still, he would never let himself forget, never.  
  
Harry closed his eyes for a minute before glancing down at his naked torso. He grimaced a little; eyeing his arms, chest, stomach, and even though he couldn't see them, legs in disgust. His entire body looked like one huge, unsightly purple bruise. On top of that there was the occasional welt and several deep cuts, and also a multitude of long since healed scars that mainly centered on his inner arms and thighs. He wanted reminders, but reminders that are obvious to other people wouldn't do him any good. They would get suspicious and of course try to make him stop but Harry knew they wouldn't be able to, he needed it too much. The scars served as reminders of everything he had done wrong, of what a mistake he had been and as an added bonus helped numb the internal anguish he constantly felt. They were his punishment and his savior. There was one scar however that was blatantly obvious to anyone when he didn't have long sleeves on and he was in fact quite proud of it. Raising his left arm, palm directed toward him, Harry examined his crowning mark; it was a scar that was unlike another he had ever seen. New skin covered the once deep, 16-inch long gash that was red, and slightly swollen. It began at his wrist, stopping just a few inches passed his elbow joint, and had incidentally been done on an impulse with the hope of ending all his misery. With his eyes closed, flashes of the nightmares came to him; he saw Death Eaters chasing muggles, entire towns being engulfed in flames and smoke, heard the last screams of the distressed and Voldemort laughing as he gazed around at the dead bodies scattered before him. All of a sudden, the visions cleared away and he saw himself lying on the floor, blood flowing and pooling around him, and the faint cries of a familiar voice before he pulled himself out of his reminiscing and wearily heading back over to his desk in the far corner of the room.  
  
He was hungry and extremely tired and knew that he should get some food and rest before continuing on with his day, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Just the thought of food made him nauseous and he knew that if he went back to sleep, the horrible dreams would return.  
  
"If I keep doing this to myself, I'm not even gonna make it through the holidays" he thought to himself glumly. But by this time he was beyond caring. Harry shuffled slowly across the room and as he passed by the mirror above his dresser, paused while he surveyed himself. He shuddered at his own appearance as he took in his frail figure and for some reason, derived a sick kind of amusement from being able to count every one of his ribs. He noted the diminished appearance of his once nicely toned muscles and closely examined his pale, nearly transparent skin.  
  
"Guess I should try and get out more" he mused.  
  
He then began staring into his eyes which were bloodshot and had heavy bags under them, obviously caused from lack of sleep and he realized that 4-5 hours a night just didn't cut it. He also saw that horrible haunted look that resided within them and flinched slightly at the discomfort of knowing what had caused it and anxiously wondered if it would ever go away and return his once sparkling green orbs that everyone admired back to normal. //My mother's eyes// he thought sadly. But that sadness quickly turned to anger.  
  
"Damn it!" How was Voldemort able to do this to him? Why was he doing this to him? His life had been turned into a living hell and he didn't even know why. His very spirit had been shattered and was now only a mixture of pure hatred and pain both caused by just one person beside himself.  
  
"I WILL kill you Voldemort" the voice he spoke in was no more than a deathly hiss, as it usually was when he repeated this goal to himself. He had made it soon after he had given himself that scar on his arm, realizing that he didn't deserve peace until he had avenged all those that he had let down.  
  
"I swear it on my life, if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me." Then he laughed. Wow, that was real original.  
  
Then, he turned away from the mirror unable to look at himself any longer and instead began staring silently at the letters and presents piled by the dozens on top of his desk. He sighed. He didn't want the gifts, he didn't deserve them. But knowing that he couldn't very well return them, one by one he placed them in his trunk (stopping a moment to give thanks that the trunk could hold more than 3 times what it looked like it could) carefully arranging them so that nothing was crushed. //I'll just try and give them back later// Then, grabbing the remaining letters and cards, he gently sat on the edge of his bed to continue reading them which is what he'd been about to do before Hedwig had flown in with Sirius's letter.  
  
The pile in front of him was huge. It seemed that everyone he knew had decided to write him that summer. There were letters from Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, Sirius and Remus, Dumbledore, Fred and George Weasley (thanking him for his generous contribution to WWW), he'd even gotten a few from his roommates at Hogwarts, Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, and (surprise surprise) a small birthday card from Ron's little sister Ginny. she had liked him since she was ten but the adoration appeared to have worn off a bit.  
  
His smile was sad as he opened every card and letter and read up on the events of the world that he had been trying so hard to push away. It was nice hearing from his friends and everyone always had something to tell him. Ron was especially excited when it came to Mr. Weasley's promotion at the ministry (apparently he'd found a better paying job that still involved interaction with muggles) and laughed as Ron rambled on for the next three pages about his new broom, and Nimbus 1000. Hermione usually talked about France, books, and homework and had hinted to Harry that starting his summer assignments now would be a good idea. Harry had laughed at this because he had finished his schoolwork during the first two weeks of vacation and left with nothing else to do (his relatives were too scared to make him work and going outside where there was people made him feel uncomfortable) had taken to rereading his school books and avidly studying them until he nearly knew them by heart. //Geez, what would Ron say if he knew that I could quote entire passages from "Potions of the New Age?"// This newfound hobby had quickly become and obsession being the only thing besides letters (which he was reluctant to read) that could keep his mind off the nightmares and approaching school year. But Harry realized that this "obsession" could definitely work to his advantage in a number of things. He decided that when he went to Diagon Alley to get his schoolbooks he would pick up a few extras on the advanced forms of his subjects. Advanced anything was usually reserved for seventh years but since it was only for his own personal study, he figured that he could handle it. He would in fact enjoy the distractions that the books could offer. He might even find a good book of hexes and cures to practice on Ron with, he thought smiling slightly. Then he remembered why he couldn't and began mentally berating himself.  
  
"No! I can't do that to them anymore! I can't be their friend if it assures their deaths in the future, and I refuse to be the cause of grief any longer. They need to move on, they're better off without me. "  
  
"But how are you going to keep them away?" That horrible little voice was back. "They care for you too much and are far too noble and brave to just leave you to handle the worlds problems on your own. They are Gryffindors after all."  
  
"I'll simply tell them. They'll understand."  
  
"HA! You actually think your friends will stand you trying to give them the brush off? You're denser than I thought. Think back to all those times when they never left you alone. In first year with the Sorcerer's Stone, in second year and the Chamber of Secrets, third year with Sirius and fourth year during the tournament. They risked their lives for you and would do it again in a heartbeat."  
  
"All the more reason for them to stay away! I'll get them killed; there's no denying that!  
  
"But-."  
  
"Shut up! I'm crazy enough as it is! I don't need everyone knowing that I hear fucking voices so just go away.besides, if they won't understand, then I just won't tell them. They can't talk to me when I'm ignoring them."  
  
And with that, the conversation with himself ended, giving Harry plenty to think about. Preferably at a later date.  
  
After finishing his reading, Harry swept all of the letters, save one, into his arms and proceeded to dump them into his trunk beside the presents. Then he reviewed his school letter once more before placing it carefully on his desk. The last thing he wanted was for it to get lost. As he set it down, the invitation from Sirius that he had momentarily forgotten about once again caught his eye. Reminded of it, he let out a loud groan and collapsed into his desk chair, head falling forward onto his outstretched arms. What was he gonna do? He wanted to see Sirius, but he knew that it just wasn't a good idea. First of all, he and Remus would probably freak when they saw him, and of course the Durselys would get blamed and probably turned into June bugs before he could even bat an eye. Second, the idea of having to face Sirius and Remus for a whole week while his conscience slowly ate away at him.no, it would be too difficult to bare. He couldn't do it. He would simply tell his godfather that he was unable to come.  
  
And with that, he grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill and wrote a quick apology while explaining very briefly why he couldn't make it. Sealing it, Harry stood back up and motioned for Hedwig to join him. He swiftly tied the letter to her leg and watched as she flew out the window knowing that she was grateful for a chance to stretch her wings. The familiar feeling of guilt washed over him as he watched her disappear into the newly risen sun. He hadn't given her a lot of freedom lately. The reason being that he now rarely wrote letters to anyone and of course when he did they only consisted of 2-3 sentence responses of whatever they mentioned in their last letter. He was glad Hedwig had the chance to enjoy herself even if it was only for a short trip but it hurt knowing what he was going to be passing up.  
  
In fact, at this point everything hurt. Well, he could put an end to that. Sitting down on his bed, he opened the drawer in his nightstand and pulled out the well-sharpened pocketknife that Sirius had given to him as a Christmas present last year. Flipping it open, he pressed it against the flesh of his inner right arm and slowly dragged it across. The blooded gushed and began flowing freely down his arm, dripping onto the floor. He grabbed a towel and held it down firmly. After about five minutes, the blood had slowed and he removed the towel to examine his work. It was fairly deep, about 5 inches long and it hurt like hell. He smiled bitterly. Yep, this will help. It would hurt for another day or so, and meanwhile he could ignore everything else and go back to studying. So, with another scar, and another small hole in his heart, Harry laid down, pulled out his potion's book and set to work memorizing the ingredients to the extremely complicated brain power brew.  
  
* * *  
  
Ok, so what did you think? Please review if you have any questions or comments or just feel the need to brutally rebuke me for ever having written. I REALLY don't care, just review! 


	2. Chapter 2

I'm back everyone! Did you miss me? Thanks soooo much to all my reviewers, you guys are great! But anyway, here is the second chapter to An Unlikely Friendship. I really hope you like it! It's a bit shorter than the first, but the third chapter WILL be out soon so don't get angry. By the way PLEASE review when your done reading it only takes a second! Enjoy!  
  
RATING: R  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, and yes I'm very bitter about it. The plot is mine so don't touch, but maybe if you ask nicely.  
  
WARNING: Slash later on and mature themes now so if you have something against solely male relationships or Harry Potter slicing himself up, please back away.  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
As the sun began to set on the day of July 31st, Sirius Black could be found sitting in the living room of Remus Lupin's cottage which was located in the middle of a vibrant, but isolated forest about three hours from the outskirts of London. Sirius had never been one for isolation, when he was younger he was quite the people person and would often tell how he found the silence to be disturbing. Of course, it could have come from being left alone with his thoughts for far too long, but that remained to be seen. Now, however, even though he still enjoyed company, 12 years in Azkaban and 2 years on the run from the Ministry of Magic had cured him of the particular phobia called "alone time."  
  
Remus on the other hand, who happened at that moment to be sitting across from Sirius curled up in an armchair reading, had always valued his privacy. The main reason being because of his lycanthropy(1) and for once , Sirius was grateful for his need of seclusion. The forest, although not fool proof, protected him from the prying eyes of the Ministry officials, made a boundary for Remus during his monthly transformations and would eventually act as a safe haven for Harry from Voldemort and the Durselys for a week.  
  
Of course Harry hadn't actually said he was coming, but Sirius didn't have any doubts. Well.maybe a few. Harry didn't really seem himself this summer. Of course that was to be expected after the events at the end of the Triwizard Tournament last year but still, Sirius was worried. The letters were few and far between and didn't actually tell him anything, just that Harry was fine and working hard. So Sirius had gotten the idea of the visit thinking that if he could just get Harry down there, then everything would be all right. Since then, he had spent the better part of the summer after getting back from his spying mission in Whales with Remus, convincing Dumbledore to let Harry visit. Finally the Professor had agreed and here he was now, sitting on the edge of the couch, unconsciously gripping the cushion as he waited for his godson's reply practically twitching with impatience; much to Remus's great annoyance.  
  
"Sirius would you please *calm* down? Harry'll come, stop worrying. Besides, your disturbing my reading." Sirius looked up to the slight frown on Remus's face as he held the old tome he was reading close to his chest and he couldn't help but grin.  
  
"I'm soo sorry Moony dear," Sirius began with an over done self-admonishing tone. "I can't *believe* I was so heartless." Remus only glared. He might get angry, but he never rose to the bait. Sirius frowned.  
  
"Oh come on Remus!" He pleaded. "You don't know how much this week with Harry means to me." Remus cocked his head to one side as if waiting for an explanation. Sirius sighed and continued.  
  
"I'm his godfather Rem, and I don't know the first thing about him."  
  
"Sirius, you know that's not your fault! Some things just couldn't be helped and-" But Sirius cut him off.  
  
"No Moony just stop. I know its not my fault but that's not the point. I regret not being able to be with him, more now than ever. He's got so much on his shoulders and he doesn't even have a real family to support him. This weekend, for the first time he'll see how much he is truly loved and maybe we can both forget who's after us for awhile and finally get to know one another." Remus gave him a probing look before replying.  
  
"Sirius, these last few years have been hard on all of us, Harry more than anyone else." He paused. "Although you *do* come in a close second with that whole locked away in Azkaban thing but I put Harry first cause, come on, the kid's entire life has been misreable. His parents were killed before he even got to know them, he was raised by those horrible muggles, spending years locked in a cupboard. He's #1 on Voldemort's most wanted list, last year he watched one of his friends die, and worst of all, he's got Snape as a teacher!" He finished his speech with a flourish. Sirius raised an eyebrow, his friend really was a nutcase. "Frankly Sirius, I'm surprised that the boy hasn't gone insane by now (little do they know huh?) but the thing is, he's incredibly strong. If he's made it this far in one piece, then there is no doubt in my mind that he'll over come any other obstacles that come his way. It'll all work out, just wait and see. And if there's anything I can do to help, just ask." His friend grinned at this.  
  
"Now that you mention it, I've been thinking, and you *know* what happens when I do that. Well, last night I came to the conclusion that I should begin teaching Harry how to be a REAL marauder so of *course* were gonna need someone to practice on."  
  
"Sirius-" Remus began in a warning tone, but whatever reply he had died on his lips as a snowy owl flew in through the open window and deposited a small letter on Sirius's lap before winging it over to Remus who began to pet it after giving it some water from a small glass. Sirius's eyes alight with excitement ripped open the letter.  
  
"Dear Padfoot," It began. "I'm glad you and Remus are doing well. I am fine to just so you know, I've been keeping very busy with homework and such and have learned a surprisingly great deal. About your invitation, I'm very sorry but I just can't come to visit with you this summer. I still have an unbelievable amount of studying to do and I also think that we'd both be safer if I stayed here till school starts. Trust me, it'll be ok. I will see you soon and I'm truly very sorry."  
  
Harry  
  
Sirius's heart plummeted, as he stared at the paper in disbelief. He reread it at least three times before Remus noticed his quiet friend and glanced up, and was quite startled at the shocked expression on Sirius's face.  
  
"Sirius what's wrong?" Remus asked urgently. Sirius looked Remus straight in the eyes before replying, his voice barley more than a whisper.  
  
"He's not coming."  
  
"What?! What do you mean he's not coming? Why not?!" Remus had lepted out of his chair shouting frantically. If Sirius hadn't been so confused and disappointed to say the least, he would have laughed at his friend. Remus very rarely raised his voice, much less shouted. In fact, the last time he'd heard Remus shout was after Sirius had pulled that particularly horrible, not to mention potentially deadly prank on Severus Snape back in 7th year.  
  
But that incident didn't even begin to compare to this one Sirius thought taking in Remus's clenched fists, tightened jaw, and dangerously flashing amber eyes. Noticing that Remus was getting impatient, Sirius continued.  
  
"Well, to cut right to the point, he has too much studying to do." Remus sat down. He was completely and utterly dumbfounded. Not about the fact that Harry was studying, although that in itself was quite a shock, but that he'd passed up a chance to visit his godfather to do it. A lengthy amount of time passed before either of them spoke again.  
  
"Um, at least he's studying. And his letter IS longer than usual, of course that's not saying much." Sirius laughed bitterly at his own pathetic attempt to lighten the mood.  
  
Remus glanced at his friend again. He looked so lost. It was then that Remus was reminded of the confession that Sirius had given earlier and so he began to think. //Harry would never do this. Sirius means too much to him, something has to be wrong// and he told Sirus just that.  
  
"You really think so?" He knew he looked desperate.  
  
"Yes, I really do. Siri, if everything were fine, he would never have turned you down. Your all he has left, you mean so much to him." Sirius flashed him a grin but it quickly disappeared and his eyes suddenly began to widen in realization.  
  
"Rem, you don't think that those awful muggles have done something to him do you?"  
  
"I honestly don't know, but I do think that we should go over there and check it out."  
  
With two loud "POPS!" they had dissiperated and were now standing on the steps of #4 Privet Drive ringing the bell. The last of the stars had just appeared in the night sky when the door finally opened.  
  
* * * TBC  
  
(1)his ability to turn into a werewolf (well, I guess its not exactly an ability is it? But you get the picture.)  
  
So what did you think? Review, Review, Review!!!! I also tried to add a bit of humor to lighten the mood up a bit so you all don't get too depressed but if it ruins the atmosphere or is just stupid tell me and I'll quit. Umm.the next chapter should be out in no more than a week cause I've already started on it and I should be updating at a steady flow cause I've got the next few chapters already in mind (thank goodness!) Once again thanks to all my reviewers I REALLY appreciate it and if anyone has any requests or ideas, I'm totally open to opinions. Well, see you later! 


	3. Chapter 3

NINETEEN REVIEWS!!!!! Thanks soo much everyone! You really don't know how much it means to me. I really appreciate it. Ok, so I know I promised that it would only take a week, but I ended up rewriting this chapter at LEAST three times and its longer than the other chapters and there was a lot of important information in this and I didn't want to screw it up but whether I did or not that remains to be seen. Yes, it is STILL Harry's birthday, and it will still be for part of the next chapter because that's just the way it worked out. No, not everyday will be like this, but this specific day is VERY important so bare with me for a little while longer and then everything will be on its way. I realized that the story will be more angst than romance, but I don't want to change it just yet if I ever do. Finally, I was contemplating making this a Harry/Severus story instead of a Harry/Draco and I want your views on it. Review and vote and I'll make a decision later on. Alright I'm done, now go have fun!  
  
RATING: R  
  
DICLAIMER: I still do not own the Harry Potter characters, they belong to the wonderful J.K Rowling. I WAS thinking of kidnapping them, but I don't think that they would be too happy about it and then I'd DEFINITELY get sued so I'm back to square 1.  
  
WARNING: Slash later on, but as to who it's between is up to you so remember to vote! Mature themes of course, Harry is a bit distraught (who wants to go make him feel better? I do!) And is still hacking himself up. So don't read if you don't like!  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
Harry remained in his room for the rest of the day. He hadn't gone downstairs for breakfast or lunch and decided that even if he had wanted to go down for dinner, he probably wouldn't make it through the stacks of books that were piled around him on the floor.  
  
Aunt Petunia had come up earlier to check on him and see if he was hungry; she'd been doing that a lot since the incident. It was odd; she had never given him a single thought that hadn't been filled with malice for the first fourteen years of his life, why on earth was she starting now? Was it because she had been the one to find him there, so close to death with blood all around him and spreading across the floor?  
  
He closed his eyes. Unbidden the memories came. He let them. The hurt in remembering only made him stronger.  
  
~FLASHBACK~  
  
He'd only been out of school for a week and already he was anxious to return to Hogwarts. He was so agonizingly bored with no where to go and nothing to do, and since the Durselys wouldn't even look at him, he wasn't sure what he would have done if Uncle Vernon hadn't let him keep his school books to do his homework. That in itself was a miracle, and one, which Harry was most grateful for. But even though homework kept him entertained during the day, nothing could save him from the terror of night and the dreams that plagued him.  
  
It was always the same. Repeated images of that night of the third task when he was confronted by Voldemort and his death eaters and then Cedric and his parents. And whenever he woke up, he would curl up on his bed and weep for all of the horrible things he had done because of Voldemort.  
  
Harry had always been able to shake himself out of his depressive moods by morning but one night it all became too much and jumping out of bed, he looked around desperately for a solution. And find one he did at the bottom of his trunk in the form of a pocketknife. // Perfect. // He had to do this. He just couldn't take it any longer. Everything hurt and there was no solution. Not for him anyways. He felt like an endless, black void that couldn't be filled. As he carefully fingered the blade of the knife, Harry was surprised at the lack of fear he felt. There was only a deep sense of relief at knowing that soon, it would all be over and that he would finally be free.  
  
//Here goes. // Shaking with anticipation, Harry brought the blade swiftly down to his left wrist, plunging it in and pulling upwards as far as he could manage, aiming for that vital artery farther up his arm. The knife cut through easily and the pain that followed this act was unbelievable. He stared unabashedly at the blood pouring from his partly mutilated limb in a slight daze before collapsing onto the floor with a loud "Thump!" Staring at the ceiling, he was barely grasping at the edges of consciousness while thoughts of his friends ran chaotically through his head and he smiled. //I've done the world a favor. They'll all be safe now because I won't be there to hurt them. //  
  
A soft knocking pulled Harry away from his thoughts and he managed to shift his head in the direction of the door as it was slowly opened to reveal a slightly confused Aunt Petunia.  
  
"Harry? What was that noise?" He watched her through half closed eyes as her face contorted into a look of shock and terror. But remaining calm, she called for Vernon then rushed to Harry's side pulling the sheet off the bed along the way. Kneeling beside Harry's limp body, Petunia, with some effort began ripping up the sheet and swiftly made a tourniquet on his upper arm then started applying pressure to the gash.  
  
Harry cursed himself. //Damn, I forgot she used to work as a nurse before marrying Uncle Vernon. But it doesn't matter, its too late, I'll soon be free. // The last thing he remembered before blacking out was his Uncle bursting through the doorway in his bathrobe demanding to know what had happened.  
  
* * *  
  
When he woke up, Harry found himself in a clean, white room, with a splitting headache, and extreme pain shooting through his arm. //What the hell happened?!// At that moment, Petunia entered.  
  
"Harry!" She breathed a sigh of relief. "Your ok."  
  
"Unfortunately yes, but I'm not supposed to be. What's going on? Where am I?"  
  
"You're at St. Andrew's Medical Hospital (1) in London. An ambulance brought you in a few days ago for a blood transfusion and stitches. You've been asleep the whole time."  
  
"A few days? How could I have slept that long?"  
  
"Well, when I found you.after you.um."  
  
"Cut myself?"  
  
"Yes.cut yourself, you were in pretty bad shape. You managed to slice your Brachial artery" //So that's what it's called// "and there was a significant amount of blood loss, hence the need for the transfusion. Sleeping was your bodies' way of coping with the shock. It was touch and go for a minute there, the doctors are certain that if you had arrived any later then you would be dead right now."  
  
"I wasn't supposed to get here at all." The bitterness he felt was evident in his voice and they both remained silent for a long time afterward until Petunia spoke up again and when she did, her voice was cautious.  
  
"Harry? Why did you do it? Did something happen at---" But he silenced her with a wave of his hand in protest.  
  
"Please," He whispered. "I can't talk about it." That was definitely true, but he wouldn't tell her anyway. She may have saved his life, but she didn't really care. She was only curious, acting like the same nosy aunt he's always had.  
  
"Well your going to have to eventually." Harry jerked his head up from where he had momentarily been tracing the pattern on the blanket that covered the bed with his eyes to face his aunt.  
  
"Why?" His voice was edged with suspicion and annoyance that Petunia didn't fail to notice.  
  
"In cases of suicide attempt, the hospital is obligated to submit the patient to the psychiatric ward for therapy for a limited amount of time. In your case, two weeks." Harry looked at her in disbelief.  
  
"You're joking right?" She shook her head. Taking a deep breath he asked "So you're telling me, that a bunch of doctors who could care less about me than you do, are going to come in here, wrap me in a strait jacket and lock me in a padded room to "help" me with my problems?" He sounded quite calm, but that's *not* how he felt.  
  
Ignoring the statement about her not caring for him, she instead replied "No, not at all. You'll be given a room to yourself and during the time, you'll attend group therapy sessions with other patients and meetings with your councilor. Interacting with the others will help you realize that you're not alone in your worries and that there are people who care and will listen to you and help you with whatever you need." Harry shook his head.  
  
"No, I'm not going." She sighed.  
  
"Fine. Perhaps someone from your school could come help you out. You or we could write them---" Harry paled and his eyes filled with something that resembled unimaginable terror.  
  
"Y...You.You're going to write to my school?" He stuttered.  
  
"Well if you refuse to go then *someone* has to come make your excuses, and neither your Uncle nor I have that kind of power.  
  
"I'll go."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I um." //Think fast! Think fast! // I don't want to bother anyone up at school with this. I mean I'll write them of course, but I'd prefer to handle this myself you know?" Petunia nodded her head.  
  
"Of course. Well I have to go now, visiting hours are almost up and you need your rest. But I will be back in the morning with some extra clothes. If you're well enough, you can start therapy tomorrow. There's no use in being here longer than you have to." Harry simply nodded his head and bid her goodbye as she left the room.  
  
//Whew! If they had written Dumbledore.if he had found out.oh god forbid! But what was with Aunt Petunia? She was actually acting halfway decent. // \\Maybe she's looking for repentance. \\ //What the heck! Who are you? // \\A friend. \\ //Yeah right! Now get the hell out of my head! // \\And what may I ask are you going to do about it? Besides, it's not like it's all that great. I mean, it obviously doesn't store enough brainpower to keep you from that stupid stunt you pulled earlier. Which now that I'm on the subject was extremely dumb. Because, despite all the crazy things you've done in the past, I did not think that you would be enough of an idiot to try and kill yourself. \\ //Well I didn't ask for your opinion now did I? By the way, what did you mean when you said that Aunt Petunia was possibly repenting? // \\It's obvious isn't it? She's been such a horrible person in the past, maybe you stirred something in her that made her realize what she's truly become. \\ //I highly doubt that.um.would you please get out of my head now and let me sleep? // \\Fine, I'll finish lecturing you some other time. \\  
  
Harry sighed when the mysterious voice faded from his mind. //That was too weird. // Settling himself on the bed, Harry finally closed his eyes and gratefully let sleep claim him.  
  
* * *  
  
Sure enough, after Harry woke up the next morning, Aunt Petunia showed up with a small suitcase in one hand and was soon followed through the doorway by a small, plump nurse who announced that after he changed, she would be escorting him to his new room for the next two weeks.  
  
Thinking back on it, Harry didn't remember much of those couple weeks. It was all blurred into endless seminars with other patients and countless meetings with his councilor, Mr. Fredrickson. A man that had reminded Harry very much of Cornelius Fudge, except Fudge wasn't as bright. Still, Harry often got the feeling that his IQ was dropping from just talking to the guy.  
  
A hospital was a very boring place. Even more so when you're a psych. patient because you're not even allowed to wander around. On normal circumstances, Harry could have dealt with it all, but he hadn't been feeling *normal* for about a month now and the loneliness he felt was only making him worse.  
  
But the hardest part about being there was all the time he was left alone with his thoughts. He was constantly reminded of his parents' and Cedric's deaths, how he'd helped Voldemort return to power, all the times that he'd almost gotten Ron and Hermione killed and of course how he'd let Sirius down by not letting him kill the person that would have brought him his freedom. Harry's mind would run in circles for hours over this knowledge, and everyday he would sink lower ad lower into the hole that he had dug himself into and finally resolving to finish what he and that knife had started once he returned to the Durselys'.  
  
It wasn't until the night before Aunt Petunia came to pick him up that Harry had a sudden revelation which changed hi whole attitude. He'd just woken up from a particularly terrible vision and now lay curled up on his bed, shaking uncontrollably as he relived all of the unbearable details.  
  
~Vision ~  
  
It was dark. Or it had been until orangey-red bonfires began erupting throughout the night. As the blackness began to fade, Harry saw that he was standing on a street in what looked to be a muggle neighborhood. But instead of the calm, peaceful setting that he should have beheld at 1:00 in the morning, Harry saw instead houses being engulfed by flames that spouted from the wands of numerous deatheaters.  
  
They covered the road. All of them cackling madly as they ran about savoring the screams of those that perished in the fires or else torturing the few that managed to escape with unforgivables. Harry's first thought was to run. He was sure that he would barely be able to stand up to one deatheater, much less the hundred or so that were around him. Spinning on his heel, he came face to face with Voldemort and it was then that he realized that no one could see him.  
  
The Dark Lord just stood there savoring the scene that had begun to unfold before him. That was until something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was a woman who was in the process of trying her best to discretely usher what looked to be three little children through the yard and as far away from the mad men as possible. Voldemort stole up behind her and grabbing her by the hair he spun her around.  
  
"And where do you think your going?" The woman pleaded.  
  
"Please I don't care if I die, but I beg you, let my children go." Voldemort laughed softly.  
  
"My dear lady, I'm afraid you just did something incredibly stupid and admitted your weakness to me. Now what would be the fun in killing someone who doesn't even care if they die or not?" He then began grinning maliciously. "How about we have a little fun?" Letting the woman go he pulled about his wand and muttered IMPERIO! Standing there, Harry watched horror stricken as the woman was forced to strangle her children none of which whom looked to be older than seven one by one. Voldemort finally released her from the spell.  
  
"Look what you did! And I thought you were so noble defending your children like that." He faked a sigh. "Tsk. Tsk. What people will do to save their own skins." The woman looked like she might throw up but instead she collapsed onto the ground sobbing hysterically.  
  
"No! No! No! Oh please God no!" Her cries of anguish filled the night sky and forever embedded themselves in Harry's soul. Voldemort smiled.  
  
"Well that was certainly entertaining." And then he walked away, leaving the woman behind to live out the rest of her days with the knowledge that she had killed her own children.  
  
~End Vision~  
  
After awhile the tremors died down and he lay motionless with one thought running through his head. // What have I done? Look what I've caused. Death and destruction everywhere and its all my fault. If death is my release from it all, then I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything, not even death. //  
  
Shocked Harry sat up at this sudden realization. //I can't believe that after everything I've done, I decide to go and take the easy way out and leave and leave everyone else to clean up my mess. // He stared unblinkingly at his hands but he did not see them. He saw nothing but pain he'd caused and he finally made a decision. //I refuse to be anyone's burden any longer. Somehow, I'll restore everything that I've ruined and the only way to do that is to kill Voldemort once and for all. The only question is how do I do it? I'm only fourteen years old with average abilities and a tendency to get into trouble. // \\You could train. Train and develop your powers. You have such amazing potential but you never apply yourself. Work hard and see where it leads you. \\ //That's it. I have to train and train I will till Voldemort is dead, destroyed, and 6feet under. Well, maybe a little further, just to be safe. //  
  
Harry turned to the window beside his bed feeling both sad and relieved at the same time knowing that he would never be forgiven, but pleased that he had a plan all the same. He gazed out at the shining moon that was surrounded by thousands of twinkling stars. Their light filled the room bathing everything in a soft, white glow including his much-abused arm.  
  
It was still sore but the pain had lessened to a dull throbbing that gave Harry a surprising, reassuring calmness. The stitches had come out yesterday much to Harry's great relief. He didn't want to have to come back here if he could help it. 47 stitches the doctor said, and Harry was proud of that. He liked knowing that he was able to inflict that kind of damage on his body. Happy that he wielded *some* kind of power over *something* in his life.  
  
On that thought he glanced down to his fingers which were covered in tiny paper cuts. The first time had been an accident. His fingers slipped when he was being handed his two week schedule, but that annoying sting and stayed with him throughout the day, occasionally freeing his mind of thought, giving it a much needed break. After that, he had continued it because not only could it divert his thoughts of serious issues, it was also a release. A way to put into action everything that he was feeling without hurting anybody. He didn't want to hurt anybody else anymore. He had never meant to, it had just happened.  
  
Unfortunately, the tiny cuts were soon not enough. So he had to find other ways like viciously digging his nails into his sensitive wrist leaving tiny half moon bruises. But even that he knew would soon fail and when he got home he would have to find something else to satisfy him.  
  
But he didn't want to think about that now and having exhausted himself both emotionally and physically Harry curled up again and prayed that morning would come soon.  
  
~END FLASHBACK~  
  
Harry sighed. That had been a long night. But with morning, Aunt Petunia had come and taken him back to the house and he had fled to his books set on learning everything he could because it was going to take more than an average 5th year to defeat the Dark Lord. His knife of course was a constant companion in late night study sessions. It kept him awake and on task when his mind tried to wander.  
  
Oddly enough, he felt safe with it. It was his control, his stabilizer, and his key to reality. It would not betray him like his emotions and it brought him something that nothing else but could except maybe his books. A purpose.  
  
//Speaking of books, I'd better get back to studying. // But only a minute after he had begun reading again, Harry was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. //That's odd. No one ever comes around at this time of night. // He was even further confused when the voices floating up from the foyer had become angry and started yelling only to be interrupted by none other than Petunia. The voices died down but were soon followed by the sound of pounding on the stairs. Someone was coming up. A few seconds later, the door burst open to reveal a very disheveled Sirius Black, followed by an annoyed Remus Lupin.  
  
"HARRY!" Said person's eyes widened (much like Dobby's) to the size of dinner plates.  
  
"Sirius? Professor Lupin?" A very stunned Harry asked. "What are you two doing here?"  
  
* * *TBC  
  
So that's it for this chapter, hope you liked it! Please review and tell me what you think and of course remember to vote on who you want Harry to be with! Thanks again to all my reviewers, you guys are the greatest! 


	4. Chapter 4

I'M BACK! You guys I am sooooooooo sorry that it took so long! I am such a moron! Please forgive me! But guess what? I have 36 reviews! Whoopee! Oh! And I got my first flame too. Someone called me a crack head and then.well.well then I laughed at them, but that's not the point. Ok, so maybe it was cuz it was as funny as hell! Anyway, I decided that I'm not going to put Harry with either Draco or Severus but Ginny instead what do you think? Ducks grenades JUST KIDDING! I would NEVER do that! I actually decided (for real this time) to keep Harry with Draco because while on sabbatical (hehe) I figured out the perfect ending to my story and it would only work with Draco (sorry Severus fans! I promise one day that I'll write a Harry/Severus story but until then.) So think that's about it except thanks so much for the reviews, I'm truly honored you guys actually like my story and really very sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. Oh, by the way, after this chapter, things will really start to pick up, and we'll even get to see Draco in the next few chapters! Well, enjoy!  
  
RATING: R  
  
DICLAIMER: I own nothing of this, they belong to J.K. Rowling. Sighs Think she would trade Harry and Draco for my bottle cap collection?  
  
WARNING: SLASH BABY! But not till later, sorry! Harry's got to get to school first! And mature themes I guess.  
  
Chapter 4:  
  
With two loud "POPS!" they had disapperated and were now standing on the steps of #4 Privet Drive ringing the bell. The last of the stars had just appeared in the night sky when the door finally opened.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Before them stood a very large man with no neck and a strangely red face. His eyes narrowed when he saw the two wizards, noting their long black robes and slightly worse for wear appearance.  
  
"What do you want?" His tone was harsh with distrust and Sirius glared at him for his rudeness. But before he could even think of a reply, a restraining hand placed itself on his shoulder in an obvious warning to hold his tongue. Reluctantly, he did so. Remus had always been better at this sort of thing. Confrontations just weren't Sirius's strong point. God only knows what he would have done had he been given five minutes alone with this for nothing muggle that called himself Harry's uncle. Which is why Sirius backed off and let Remus do all the talking.  
  
"Mr. Vernon Dursely I presume?"  
  
"Yeah, who are you?" He barked. Remus smiled.  
  
"Well, my name is Remus Lupin, and this is my friend Sirius Black." He said pointing to Sirius. "We're friends of Harry's. May we step inside for a moment to speak with him?"  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Yes Harry. Boy, black hair, green eyes, has been living here for the past fourteen years? You couldn't have missed him."  
  
"I know who he is you fool! What I don't know is what you want with him." Although he cared nothing for the boy, Petunia had recently become protective of him and had told her husband to question anyone that came looking for him. So he did what she asked and even managed to use it as an excuse not to let the two men in.  
  
"We want to talk to him is all.make sure he's OK."  
  
"He's fine. He also doesn't want to talk to anybody so go away." He made to close the door, but Sirius's foot got there just in time.  
  
"Mr. Dursely, I came here to see my godson and I don't plan on leaving until I do. Now, you can either let us in the civilized way, or we can blast for door to smithereens taking you with it. What's your choice?"  
  
"I'll be damned before I let you in my house and anywhere near me or my family! And how dare you come here to my home and threaten me!" Vernon was just beginning to look like he might explode on his own when Petunia arrived in the hallway looking very bewildered from all the yelling.  
  
"Vernon? What on earth is going on? Why-" She stopped. Her jaw nearly hit the floor when she spotted the to men at the door. "Remus?" Remus smiled as he turned to look at the woman.  
  
"Hello Petunia. I'm surprised you even remember me."  
  
"I'm not senile Remus, my memory is as good as ever." She paused. "Besides, its hard to forget your sister's best friend who visited every summer and played horrible pranks on you. Including the time when you reorganized and decorated my room in neon colors while hiding my summer homework on the roof." Remus's eyes sparkled mischievously. "However, that isn't important, because I'm sure you haven't come here to apologize. Which leads us to *why* have you come here?"  
  
"We've come here to see Harry of course. This is his godfather and another friend of Lily's, Sirius Black." Petunia's eyes widened a bit as she recognized the convict, but they quickly returned to normal.  
  
"Nice to meet you. Is that all? You just wanted to see Harry?" Both men nodded. "Fine, his room is upstairs, last door on the right." At this information, Sirius had fled up the steps.  
  
"Sorry about him.he means well." Petunia nodded her head to Remus comment in understanding. "Um.well, thanks for your help and uh.it was good to see you again." As an after thought he added "And uh, sorry about your room." With that, Remus chased after his friend leaving two very dazed Durselys in the front hall.  
  
~ * ~  
  
When Sirius had found out where Harry was he had booked it up the stairs and headed straight for the room at the end of the hall. Remus didn't sound too far behind so he didn't bother to wait or even knock, before busting through the door.  
  
He caught sight of him immediately sitting on the floor in the middle of the room surrounded by books and looked quite shocked at the sudden appearance of his godfather and ex-professor in the middle of his bedroom.  
  
"HARRY!"  
  
"Sirius? Professor Lupin? What are you two doing here? Sirius didn't bother to answer him as he ran the short distance of the room and caught Harry up in a tight embrace. Neither he nor Remus noticed the grimace of pain that filled Harry's face at the contact. When he could no longer breath, Harry pulled from Sirius's arms, but only found himself tangled in Remus's the next moment. After removing himself a second time, he faced them. He was utterly confused and looked it and had no idea as to where to begin asking questions. For a few seconds he didn't speak.  
  
"Harry? You still with us?"  
  
"Um.yeah.sure." He was quite for a little longer until he finally asked. "Uh.what are you guys doing here? Didn't you get my letter? The smiles that had looked to be permanently fixed to their faces faltered a bit.  
  
"Of course we got your letter," Remus voice was filled with worry. "That's why we're here."  
  
"Harry is everything OK?" Turning to his godfather, Harry tried to keep the fear out of his voice when he replied.  
  
"Of courser it is Sirius, why would you think something was wrong?"  
  
"Why? Well for starters there's the Triwizard Tournament." Harry swallowed. "There's also the fact that you haven't written more than two lines in your grand total of three letters to us this summer,"  
  
"Sirius I-"  
  
"You say that your studying a great deal more and judging by all these books our weren't lying and no offense Harry but that's just not like you."  
  
"If you'd just listen-"  
  
"You turned down an invitation to visit us when you say that you hate being at the Durselys more than anyplace else in the world, you're pale, and it looks like you haven't slept or eaten since you left school. I'm getting the impression that-"  
  
"Sirius! Be quiet!" Sirius stopped abruptly and stared with wide eyes at his beloved godson. Harry himself couldn't believe that he had just yelled at him. "I.well you see, the thing is.um." He was getting flustered. He had never been a very eloquent person and their staring was helping in the slightest. Add on to the fact that he didn't have a clue as to what to say to them and he found himself in a right little fix. "Look, I apologize if I worried you but everything's fine, I'm fine. Things have just been.different lately. I'm still trying to get use to it all." Neither of them looked convinced.  
  
"Harry, we understand that things have been hard but ignoring everyone won't make you feel better. You need to get it out, explain things to Ron and Hermione, they'll help." Sirius spoke softly, trying to sound as gentle as he could, but to Harry, his voice sounded harsh and accusing and he slowly began backing away while unconsciously pulling down the sleeve of his shirt, trying to hide the scars that were already far from sight.  
  
"No." He whispered. "No, I won't tell them.they'll hate me."  
  
"No, of course they won't Harry! They care about you just as much as we do, they'd never abandon you." Harry shook his head fiercely in disbelief. //I don't deserve them. I never did.and UI never will. I've killed so many people.// His train of thought continued like this for awhile until Sirius and Remus began to get worried at his lost expression.  
  
"Harry? Harry answer us!" Snapping to attention he looked at them and for a minute was confused as to why they were there. //They came to see you remember? I really *do* need to get more sleep. //  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"You keep drifting off," Remus stared calmly, then his eyes turned hard. "you blame yourself don't you?"  
  
"Harry!" It was Sirius's turn. "How could you even think that?!"  
  
"You know, you two act more like you're my parents every day." Harry replied softly easily avoiding the question. Sirius smiled and stepped forward to ruffle his hair affectionately.  
  
"We're only looking out for you kiddo, and we just want what's best for you. You know that right?"  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
"And," Remus followed up; "we will always be here for you no matter what. Face it, you're stuck with us, we love you too much to go away." Sirius nodded his head along with Remus's statement and despite himself, Harry couldn't hold back a very small smile.  
  
"Don't worry, I got it."  
  
"Good, now down to business. About you coming to stay with us."  
  
"Sirius, I already told you that I can't."  
  
"Actually Harry, you can. Look I know you said no, but would you please reconsider coming back with us? We'll have a great time and I think that it would do you some good." Harry hesitated. He shouldn't go, but he really wanted to. //It's only for a week, it'll be fine. // \\Ido believe that this is the first thing we have ever agreed on. \\  
  
"All right.I'll come."  
  
"Great! Let's get your stuff together shall we?"  
  
It wouldn't be until much later that either Sirius or Remus would realize that Harry never answered their question.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Ten minutes later after informing Aunt Petunia that he'd be leaving for the week, Harry found himself packed and standing outride in the Duresely's backyard next to Sirius and Remus. Who, were currently arguing about the correct way to transfigure Remus's muggle wristwatch into a portkey. Since neither had done it before, it was shaping up to be a very animated argument which Harry would have found extremely amusing had he been paying any attention what so ever. However, at the moment, he was too busy trying to figure out how he was going to hide all his scars and bruises from them during his stay and from Ron and Hermione when he went back to school. It wasn't until their fight had escalated t the point of childish yelling did Harry take any notice.  
  
"Padfoot you're gonna break it! You don't know what you're doing!"  
  
"Well neither do you! So the way I figure it, I have just about as much chance at getting it right as you do."  
  
"But you don't even know the right incantation!"  
  
"So I'll improvise! It can't be *that* hard!"  
  
"Not very hard?! Sirius! If you just make something up we'll probably wind up in Siberia!"  
  
"Just calm down would you? I'm trying to think here. Lets see, if we just- "  
  
"Sirius!" Sick of all their arguing, Harry decided to intervene.  
  
"All you have to do is take the watch, picture the exact location that you want to go and then say 'Transportus Vantirmo' followed by the exact coordinates of the house. Simple, OK?" For the second time that day, Harry had managed to shock the both of them into silence.  
  
"How did you know that?" Sirius asked.  
  
"My books." He responded quietly while looking down at his feet. It wouldn't help if they started getting worried over the amount of time he spent studying, that was the last thing he needed. //With my luck, they'll take up where the Dursely's left off and lock my trunk in a closet somewhere. // However, he was spared any further questioning by Remus who, while Sirius had been preoccupied with Harry, had snatched thew watch from his hand and after a few seconds, successfully completed the spell.  
  
"I did it!" Shaken from further thought on his godson, Sirius turned to glare at his friend.  
  
"I could have done it to you know."  
  
"No you couldn't have, you don't even know the coordinates to my house."  
  
"Yes I do!"  
  
"We are *so* not going to get into another argument here. I suggest we finish this at home."  
  
"Fine by me." But Harry caught the "If we even make it there" murmured under Sirius's breath. Luckily, Remus did not.  
  
"Good. Now just grab on." Clutching his trunk in one hand, Harry reached out the other for the watch and almost immediately felt the tug around his navel. Before he knew it, he was picking himself up off the floor and standing in what he assumed was Remus's kitchen.  
  
"Hey, we actually made it." Remus who was leaning idly up against the counter gave his friend a pained expression.  
  
"That hurts Siri, I can't believe you doubted me."  
  
"Well, charms never really was your thing Rem. That was always Lily's foray."  
  
"I got better grades than you did."  
  
"You did not." He replied defensively.  
  
"Oh yes I did. And I even distinctly remember a time back in out 6th year when you got such bad marks on a test that you resulted to flirting with Mrs. Spindle to bring up your grade." Mouth hanging open, Sirius stared in shock at the werewolf who was smiling wickedly. A full minute passed before he found his voice again.  
  
"I can't believe you said that!" He shouted indignantly. "I would *never* do that! Ms Spindle was at least eighty years old with a harelip and a nose bigger than Snape's!"  
  
"Don't worry Paddy," Remus responded reassuringly. "I know you had a crush on her but we won't tell anyone, promise!" Turning away from Sirius who was absolutely furious, Remus thought it was best that he removed himself from the kitchen before a fairly good hex was thought up and thrown his way.  
  
"Harry, would you like a tour of the house?" Figuring that he'd be safer away from Sirius at that moment, he nodded and quickly followed Remus who had practically fled the room while shooting sympathetic glances at his godfather over his shoulder.  
  
~ * ~  
  
"That door there leads to the bathroom, the one right next to it is Sirius's room, and this, is where you'll be sleeping." Remus punctuated his sentence by opening the door next to him. Harry examined it. It was a very comfortable looking room, painted a dark blue that went nicely with the white cotton bed sheets and curtains, and the cherry wood night stand wardrobe, and table and chairs that were located under the two small windows that looked out onto the garden below.  
  
"Is this your room professor?"  
  
"Please call me Remus. I don't like the idea of us being so formal with each other. And yes, this is my room."  
  
"It's really nice, but where will you sleep?"  
  
"I will be on the couch downstairs in the study."  
  
"You most certainly will not." Remus jumped about a foot in the air. Unknown to either of them, Sirius, who seemed to have gotten over the previous incident downstairs, had snuck up behind them and succeeded in scaring Remus out of his wits.  
  
"Excuse me?" Remus replied having caught his breath.  
  
"This is your house Moony, you deserve to have a bed to sleep in." Sirius answered. "I'll sleep downstairs."  
  
"It's only for a week Padfoot, I'll be fine."  
  
"Stop being so stubborn for once would you and just let me take the couch?"  
  
"I am *not* stubborn! If anyone is, its you. Just take the bloody room and leave everything the way we already decided it."  
  
"*We* did not decide anything. *You* however did."  
  
"Well *excuse* me for wanting my guests to be comfortable! How inconsiderate of me!"  
  
"Remus! Would you just-"  
  
"ACTUALLY," Harry spoke loudly getting both their attentions. "If neither of you mind, I would like to sleep in the study."  
  
"But Harry, my room is much more comfortable than the study. I'm sure you would be much happier in here."  
  
"That's exactly my point as to why *I* should sleep down there."  
  
"Sirius please, it's only for a week, I'll be fine."  
  
"Look," Harry began, he was getting quite aggravated with them. "I honestly don't mind sleeping in the study. In fact, I'd prefer it. I like it in there and this way I'll have better access to all those books. Besides, I refuse to kick either of you out of your rooms. So, now that that's settles, I'm going to go get my stuff." He turned and headed for his new room leaving a very irritated Sirius and exasperated Remus behind him.  
  
When he entered the study, Harry sighed with content. He really did like this room. It was small, with only an oak desk and chair against the far wall, and black leather couch to the left of the door and under a window with a short coffee table in front of it. But the reason he liked this room was because of the books. Framing the doorway, to the side of the couch and lining the right and far wall were floor to ceiling bookshelves all covered with books. There was even a few more stacked upon the coffee table and desk that Remus looked to be in the process of reading. From what he could see of the walls, it was painted a pale yellow, that matched the throw rugs scattered across the wood floor and the curtains on the window. It was cozy room and he felt safe in there.  
  
Pulling his trunk behind him, he walked further inside before dropping it beside the table and collapsing onto the couch. //This day has been much too long. // Feeling the full weight of his struggles during the past few weeks upon him, Harry climbed on top the couch and immediately fell asleep. He didn't wake up to the sound of someone knocking on his door asking if he was all right, or when, smiling, Sirius covered him with a blanket, kissed his forehead and whispered "Goodnight Harry" Because for the first time in months, Harry slept without any nightmares.  
  
* * *  
  
That's all for now folks but check again soon! By the way, see that little button down there that says 'GO'? Press it please and send me a review! And thanks again to all my reviewers and their wonderful advice! 


	5. Chapter 5

Hey everyone, here I am with chapter five of my (one and only) story. I don't really have anything to say so I won't ramble, but I do want to ask if anyone would be interested in being my second beta. You can email me or just respond in the review whichever, I'm not picky (except him it comes to my writing so be prepared for that). And another thing is that I'd like to give a shout out to all my reviewers and also to my fabulous beta reader '**redredredred'**, and my dear friend **'taintedm00nlight'** thank you so much guys! And now, on with the show…er, story.

RATING: R

WARNING: You guys know the drill, I shouldn't have to say anything by now.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it, I'm not making money off of it, and if I was, I'd wouldn't tell you anyway. 

Chapter 5:

Harry awoke slowly the next day, in the early hours of the morning before the sun had even risen. Although he had yet to open his eyes, he could sense a difference in his usual surroundings and he tensed slightly, not knowing what to expect. After a bit, the image of Sirius and Remus and a room full of books, along with the whirling sensation of a portkey entered his mind and suddenly he recalled the previous night's events; and he relaxed as he opened his sleep clouded eyes. He lay for a little while longer, enjoying the peace and quiet of the house until, finally, he crawled out of his makeshift bed and planted his feet firmly on the ground. Judging from the pale light coming through the window, he figured that Sirius and Remus would take a couple more hours to get up so he set off about the room in search of a book that could keep him occupied until then.

Two hours later and halfway through _'Tricky Transfigurations',_ Harry was pulled from his reading by the nauseating smell of bacon and hotcakes. Reluctantly, he put his book aside and left the study, knowing that he would have to face Remus and his godfather eventually. They did live here after all. //Might as well get it over with. // He padded quietly across the living room and headed toward the door to the kitchen, but stopped when he heard his name being mentioned.

"You know Harry doesn't need another burden like this on his shoulders Remus, he's much better off not knowing."

"I understand that Siri, but don't you feel a little guilty not telling him?"

"Of course I do! But telling him won't help anything; it'll only make Harry feel worse. Besides, the attacks don't concern him, he doesn't need to find out." There was a definite sound of a newspaper being folded before he heard Remus speak again. 

"But there's been so many! He's bound to find out sooner or later if his friends haven't told him already and what happens when he does and he realizes that we've been keeping it from him? He'll be furious!"

"I know, I know. But there's nothing else we can do! I won't have him suffer any more than he has to." They were both quiet for a moment before Sirius continued. "Besides, Ron and Hermione won't say anything, Dumbledore already talked to them."

"Excuse me?"

"He knows that Harry doesn't have a subscription to the _Prophet_ and that the only way for him to find out about the attacks is if someone told him. So, he wrote telling them both to not mention anything so that Harry could at least *try* to enjoy his summer. They agreed of course and now here we are." Slowly, Harry backed away from the door unwilling to hear any more of their discussion. Hundreds of thoughts flew around in his head as he tried to comprehend what had been said. //They weren't going to tell me. I can't believe it! They even told Ron and Hermione not to say anything…and they agreed! We tell each other everything no matter what, and they were going to keep this from me...after all the things we've been through together…those traitors! // All of a sudden he began to chuckle quietly but it was filled with bitter remorse. //Well, a lot of good it did huh? I not only know about the damn attacks, I get front row seating to them thanks to my wonderful dreams. Every detail as precise as it is in real life. Not one scream less anguished, not a single less drop of blood spilled, everything in perfect order, if you can call terror perfect. // It took a few more minutes for him to quell his anger over their betrayal. //Its all for my own good my arse! Nobody ever stops to think about what *I* might want. They just make the decisions for me. // Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and headed back to the study where he made a big production of closing the door so that the two men in the kitchen would know he was awake. 

He shuffled into the kitchen just moments later to find Remus at the stove and Sirius at the table with a mug of coffee, not being a fan of the customary tea, in his hand and Harry noticed that the newspaper was nowhere to be seen. Upon his entry, both turned to look at Harry and smiled. 

"Good morning Harry, how about some breakfast?" Lifting is head, Harry replied with a mumbled "No" before sitting down beside his godfather at the table who ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Aw, come on Harry! Remus is an excellent cook and you didn't even eat dinner last night. You need to eat something." Snatching an apple from the fruit bowl in front of him, he held it up to Sirius before taking a bite. His stomach heaved from the unwanted food, but Harry repressed it and continued to chew. 

"That," said his godfather pointing to the apple, "does *not* count." 

"Sirius I'm fine, really. I'm not that hungry."

"Padfoot's right Harry. Fruit is good, but it's not enough. Here, have some bacon." And he began to dish the meat into a plate along with a few hot cakes. //They never give up do they? // Suddenly he got an idea.

"Um, has the paper arrived yet? I wanted to read about what's been going on in the wizarding world since I left. I can't rely on Ron and Hermione for all of my information you know?" At his question, Remus turned pale and nearly dropped the plate of food while Sirius had started choking on his coffee. "Something wrong?" He asked hiding a grin. Sirius, who seemed to have recovered before Remus, turned to his godson and somehow managed to produce a strained smile.

"Of course not, it's just…so, you want to read the paper do you?" Harry wanted to laugh at his godfather's not so subtle attempts at changing the subject but instead, he merely raised an eyebrow. A response that clearly said "well duh."

"Well, uh, it's around here somewhere I think," Sirius replied slowly glancing at Remus who looked dumbfounded as to what he was supposed to do. "But nothing important or interesting is in it. In fact, things have been pretty dull the entire summer; there's no point in wasting your time reading about the levels of incompetence that Fudge has reached when it could be better spent studying or something like that…" His voice trailed off uneasily as he waited for Harry's reaction. 

"All right then, I mean, if you're sure and all." Sirius let out a very quiet sigh of relief and Remus, who seemed to have recovered his bearings, came and sat down at the table. Harry was still slightly angry at their lying to him but his anger ebbed away when he noticed that the plate of food had been entirely forgotten. 

"So Harry," Remus started "What would you like to do today? I was thinking that the three of us, well, the two of us and Sirius in his dog form could head out to Diagon Alley today and pick up your books. What do you think?" Harry had never liked shopping, and the crowds had only made it worse, but he *did* want to get started studying for the school year so, after a conflicting mental battle, he decided in favor of the books. 

"Sounds fine to me, when do we go?"

* * *

The day was hot and humid as the sun beat down unrelentingly upon the occupants of one Diagon Alley. There weren't very many people out and around doing their shopping due to the high temperature, but to Harry, it felt like he was drowning in a mass of bodies pressing in on him from all sides. Of course the heat wasn't helping his situation either. His breathing had become labored and perspiration dotted his forehead and upper lip while a bright red flush had spread across his cheeks contrasting sharply with the pale demeanor of his skin. Not to mention the baggy blue jeans that he wore and matching oversized white long sleeved T-shirt that were weighing down on him like the two-ton hippo that his cousin was. He wished that he had worn some other clothes, but he hadn't had much choice. He was all too aware of what the reactions would be if the scars and bruises that adorned his body were apparent. 

Dragging his feet slowly, Harry continued to follow Remus as Sirius trotted alongside him down the street until finally, after an hour of miscellaneous shopping, Harry breathed a sigh of relief as they stopped in front of their main goal for the afternoon, _Flourish and Blotts_. While Sirius waited outside, Harry and Remus entered the brightly lit shop and Harry immediately set off in search of the books he would need, intent on getting out of here and home as soon as possible. Much to his relief, he hadn't run into to anybody he knew all day long, but he wasn't planning on hanging around and pushing his luck.

Harry moved swiftly down the aisles stopping every once in awhile to add a book to his rapidly growing pile or to skim though another one in hopes that it would prove interesting or helpful in some way or another. Fifteen minutes later, he was ready to leave when a certain book caught his eye. _'Lies and Disguise' (Spells, Charms, and Potions for Living a Life of Secrecy)_ by M. T. Promise. Intrigued, Harry flipped the book open to the first page.

__

Introduction:

Welcome friends! If you are reading this, you have obviously discovered a need for seclusion and secrecy in your chaotic life. However, maintaining an aura of mystery can be hard in this busybody world and sometimes one finds himself in an uncomfortable situation that could easily have been avoided had the necessary precautions been taken. Well, you should be relieved to discover that in this book, you will find all of the best and necessary spells, charms, and potions for caution and concealment. If you have a need, we have an answer, trust us when we say that you won't be disappointed. Still don't believe it? Read on and discover for yourself!

Flipping through the pages, Harry's mouth dropped open as he noticed topics from various locking charms to complicated disguise spells to invisibility potions. There were even tips on successful lying techniques one could use and descriptions of possible obstacles you might face and the different ways to overcome them. 

Closing the book, Harry placed it on the stack and on impulse he added _'Curses and Hexes that Should be Illegal'; _by Mia Jinx, before he made his way to the front of the store to meet Remus. Said man's eyes nearly fell out of his head at the massive stack of books that Harry was struggling to hold on to.

"Harry! What in the world are you going to do with all those books?!" Blushing, Harry mumbled something intelligible before answering with, 

"Read them of course."

"But do you seriously need all of them?" //If this is what Hermione feels like when we tease her, I have some serious making up to do. //

"Well, I need these four for school," he replied placing down copies of _'The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 5)'_ by Miranda Goshawk, _'An Intermediate's Guide to Transfiguration'_ by Emeric Switch, _'Defense Against the Dark Arts: All You Need to Know'_ by Warden Sentry, _'Charms, and How to Master Them' _by Abra Cantrip and lastly '_Potions, Drafts, and Elixirs of the Magical World' _by Faust Brewer down on the counter. "And then I need these five for further study," he went on placing down two different copies of _'The Standard_ _Book of Spells' _for grades 6 and 7, _'An Advanced Guide to Transfiguration', 'Defense Spells and Tactics that You Really Won't Need Unless You're in a Whole Lot of Trouble' _by Ono Shite,and finally _'Mind Boggling Potions You Will Probably Never Learn' _by Severus Snape. Remus raised an eyebrow as he read the author of the last book.

"Snape?"

"What?" Harry replied defensively. "It happens to look like a very interesting book." Remus just nodded and looked at the remaining two books. 

"And those are for…?"

"Oh, these are just for fun, " he said quickly before effectively covering the titles with his arm.

After paying for his books, the two left the store and met up with Sirius who barked happily at their return. Loaded with books, they were just about to turn around and head back to the Leaky Cauldron, when he saw them. An icy fear crept up Harry's spine as he realized that coming out of _Quality Quidditch Supplies_ and headed right for them was none other than Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.

* * *

Harry froze in horror. Of all the people that he could have seen here, it just *had* to be them. They were mere yards away but had not seen him yet so, without a word to Remus, he dropped his bags and ducked into the nearest shop. Just as he suspected, it was hardly 30 seconds later when he heard a muffled shout of "Professor Lupin!" Edging closer to an open window, Harry was able to listen to the conversation being held outside without being seen due to some sort of display of various trinkets and baubles that he was effectively hiding behind.

"Why hello Ron, Hermione. How are you both?" After saying a quick hello to Sirius, Hermione replied,

"Oh we're fine, and yourself?"

"Wonderful, never been better in fact. Snuffles, Harry and I just came by to pick up Harry's school things."

"Harry's with you?"

"Why yes. He's right…" turning around to where he had just seen Harry a moment ago, all he found was a pile of bags filled with books. "Here." Now where in the world did he go? Frowning because of the abrupt departure, Remus turned back to the teenagers who looked equally worried. "I'm sorry but it appears that he has run off somewhere, I didn't even see him leave."

"Professor, have you noticed anything odd about Harry lately?" It was Ron. "I mean, he hardly talked to us on the way home from school at the end of the year, he rarely writes letters anymore, and when he does, they're only a sentence long! I just…*we* just wanted to know if everything's ok. Well, as much as it can be with Voldemort stalking you."

"To be honest kids" A loud growl from his side interrupted him. Looking down at his transfigured friend, he noticed Sirius's 'don't-go-there' face and understood immediately. Why worry the two when they weren't even sure anything *was* wrong? So instead he faced them again and said,

"You know what? I'm sure Harry is fine. He's just been stressed and a little preoccupied with studying and such. In a couple of weeks, he'll be back to normal, trust me." Although they still seemed skeptical, they nodded their heads in agreement until Hermione jerked it back up to look at her once professor. 

"Wait, did you just say that he's been studying?!" Her eyes glowed with excitement when Remus smiled and nodded and Ron let out a groan of frustration.

"NO! This can't be happening! Now I'm going to have to deal with another Hermione this year, as if one wasn't bad enough!" Remus laughed at Ron's plight while Sirius barked something that sounded vaguely like a laugh and Hermione just scowled heavily. "Oy." Ron stopped his wailing for a moment to look at Hermione. "What time is it?" She glanced at her watch.

"Time to get going if we're going to make it to 'Creature Comfort Café' in time to meet Fred and George." Turning to Remus she added, "I'm staying with the Weasleys for the rest of the summer because my parents unexpectedly had to go to America to take care of my Great Aunt Ria who's sick. Not that I mind of course, if I had to listen to my parents rage about how I "disobeyed" them and went ahead and shortened my teeth, law or no law, I was going to have to hex them." Remus chuckled and nodded understandingly. 

"Well then, we will see you both later I'm sure and I'll tell Harry we saw you, how's that?" 

"That would be great, but make sure you remind him to write or else we'll come over there and kick his arse. Oh, by the way, do you think he might be able to come and stay with us sometime this summer?" In the store, Harry tensed. //Please say no, please say no! //

"I'm not sure. The only reason Harry was allowed to stay with us is because Sirius threatened Dumbledore that he would go over to the Dursleys' and remove Harry himself if he didn't get permission. And although Dumbledore believes that Sirius may be a bit overdramatic at times, he knows that he doesn't joke about anything concerning Harry. Isn't that right fella?" Remus cooed petting the dog who gave him a 'you-are so-gonna-get-it' look. The two friends however sighed.

"Well then tell him that we miss him and will see him on September 1st?" 

"Sure thing Hermione, I'll see you two later then ok?"

"All right. Bye Professor, bye Snuffles." Then they turned away and headed down the street towards the café.

"OK Padfoot, now its time to find Harry." Gathering the bags up in his arms, Sirius raised his nose to the air and caught Harry's scent. Then, surprisingly lead him to a near by shop called 'Bric-a-Brac'. Raising an eyebrow in surprise, he just shook his head and went in.

Having seen Ron and Hermione leave and Remus heading his way, Harry walked farther into the shop and pretended to look interested in some rare statues. Forgetting about everything for a minute, he stared at them. They were actually quite ugly and he was just wondering why anybody on earth would want to buy them when

"Harry?" Not expecting his name, Harry jumped and spun around to face the voice. Unfortunately, he knocked over a statue of an evil looking dwarf smoking a pipe in the process and it was only the quick reflexes of a natural born seeker that caused him to dive and save the horrid thing just in time. Arms out stretched in front of him, he breathed a sigh of relief for the fortunate save. He slowly stood and placed the horrid looking thing back on its pedestal.

"Harry, what's this?" In the process of catching the antique, Harry's sleeve had been pushed up slightly giving Remus a glimpse of his forearm. Now catching hold of his wrist, Remus attempted to push the sleeve back farther but the arm was jerked forcefully out of his hand. 

"It's nothing. I just…burned myself on the stove at the Dursleys'; I wasn't paying attention to where I had the pan and I got hurt. It's no big deal." Remus however was still unsure.

"Are you positive? It looked really bad from what I saw…why don't you let me take a look at it?"

"No! I mean, it's all right, really. The doctor at the hospital said I'd be fine. It's nothing to worry about." The werewolf didn't believe Harry was telling the truth, but decided not to say anything about it until he talked to Sirius, he might know what to do. 

"Well, ok, if you're certain." The small boy nodded his head eagerly. "I guess you're ready to head back home then?" Harry nodded his head again, not trusting his mouth to stay. "All right, let's collect your godfather then so we can go." The two exited quietly and found Sirius outside waiting patiently and then all three turned to 'The Leaky Cauldron' and home.

* * *

The rest of the week passed by rather quickly and amazingly enough, without further incident. Although he studied as much as possible, often staying up late into the night to do so, Harry actually ended up spending most of the time trying to keep Sirius and Remus as unsuspicious as possible about his condition. He would do things like play Sirius regularly in Quidditch, or test Remus' cooking which usually ended up making him vomit afterwards, but not because of the food. His stomach just seemed unable to handle anything substantial on a regular basis. And for the most part, they seemed satisfied that he was fine. Remus did end up talking to Sirius about the incident in the antique shop, but eventually they dismissed it as Harry simply being embarrassed about having been so careless. He was fine now after all wasn't he?

But truthfully, Harry was slowly losing it. He hated having to keep up this façade; it was eating him alive and he couldn't wait to get to Hogwarts where he wouldn't have to deal with the Dursleys' and where no one would notice that something was wrong. Everyone was so busy with their own lives and the threat of Voldemort that, nobody would actually notice the-boy-who-lived's peculiar behavior. 

Another issue was the fact that Harry's knife, his one source of relief was sitting quietly at the bottom of his trunk and he was unable to use it because it was too dangerous with the two older men around. He constantly felt torn between screaming in frustration and sobbing hysterically. The one good thing that happened was that for the time being, the dreams had stopped and he actually got a few restful nights' sleep. Still, he was much relieved when it was time to go.

With his things all packed up, Harry stepped out of the study for the final time and met Sirius and Remus in the living room. Sirius would be taking him back to the Dursleys' by portkey so he stepped toward Remus and gave him a hug. When they broke apart, Remus smiled at him.

"You know you're welcome back anytime right?" Smiling as well, Harry nodded.

"Yeah, I do. Thank you Remus, this week has been great." He bit his tongue after having forced out the dreadful lie and felt incredibly guilty for what he had done to these two. Imposing on them, and lying, and generally making their lives all the more difficult when they had been nothing but kind.

"You're very welcome and I will see you soon. Padfoot and I will most likely be by during the year to see you so be ready." 

"I will. Well, bye then." Stepping back, he took the proffered candlestick holder from Sirius and immediately found himself in the Dursleys' backyard. 

"Well kid, it looks like the fun's over for now, but Moony's right. You're always welcome and expect us to show up sometime in the near future. We're a family now, we need to look out for each other got it?" Blinking back tears, Harry nodded before giving his godfather a fierce hug and hurrying into the house with his things. He didn't want Sirius to see him cry, he was fifteen, too old for that stuff anymore. 

After muttering a brief hello to his relatives to announce his arrival to what was mistakenly referred to as his home, Harry shoved his trunk under the stairs then went to his room. And just like a week ago at Remus' house, Harry flopped down onto the bed and instantly fell asleep. 

* * *

TBC

So that's it for this chapter, stay tuned next time for chapter 6! (And please be a little bit more generous with the reviews! puppy dog eyes)

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	6. Chapter 6

Well, it's here, and by no small means let me tell you. I've been having a lot of trouble with this story and I apologize for my inactivity because I know that I don't update very often. In my defense however, I did warn you that I didn't have any idea where this story was going or how long it would take to update so I guess we're at a stalemate. Anyway, I think some of you will be happy to know that I have already finished the first half of the seventh chapter and with the weekend coming up, and my Sols nearly finished, things are looking good on that front. Well that's all I have to say except that those of you who have not read my other story (which I have just started) please do. In my humble opinion, it's fairly good. Ahh wait! Thanks to my beta **redredredred** for editing this chapter and giving me suggestions when I was fresh out.

RATING: R

WARNING: Well, I suppose I should warn you that it might suck do to my inability to think with Sols and end of the year exams coming up, but there is also slash and slight gore.

DISCLAIMER: J.K. Rowling created this lot, but just so you know, I own the plot.

Chapter 6:

It was two weeks after his return from staying at Remus' that Harry found himself torn from sleep in the middle of the night as a sudden wave of nightmare induced nausea hit him with full force. Hurrying from his bedroom and down the hall, he only just made it to the loo before vomiting up the sparse contents of his stomach. With half a mind he remembered to kick the door shut with his foot before collapsing on the floor in order to avoid waking his relatives with the sound of his retching. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to relax, but when he was forced to relive the terrifying scenes from his dreams, he immediately ripped them back open. The nightmares had started up again the day after he got back, and the visions had gotten so bad that he simply preferred to just not sleep at all. Rather that than face the horrific scenes that would unfold before him at night, which were only enhanced by the vomiting and splitting headaches. 

Not for the first time, Harry was thankful that Dumbledore hadn't allowed him to go to the Weaselys' that summer, because he knew that there would be no way that he could hide his "condition" from all of them. If they found out, there would be no way of keeping it from the headmaster and Sirius and Remus, and he didn't even want to think of how furious they would be if they discovered his nasty little habit.

Standing up, he flushed the toilet and brushed his teeth before returning to his bed. Propping himself up against the pillows, he reached for his new charms book and began reading. He had already read it once before, along with the rest of his newest school books, but some of the concepts were still unclear to him, and he was determined to know all of his texts front to back by the time the school year started. And with only a week left, he really needed to focus.

But he couldn't. And like always, he resorted to the only means he knew to make himself feel better. He tugged off his pajama bottoms before settling down on the wood floor not wanting to do this on the bed for fear of getting blood on the sheets and raising his aunt's suspicions. Pulling out his knife, Harry pressed the blade to his inner thigh then sighed with relief when he felt his nerves slowly begin to unwind as the crimson droplets fell to the floor. With the new and greater pain he was experiencing due to his dreams, cutting himself had become his escape. It no longer hurt, but he didn't mind, the nightmares were more than enough punishment. And since it was easier than bruising himself and because it lasted longer as well, he took comfort in it. Once the fresh cut had stopped bleeding, he cleaned it and the mess he had made on the floor, and returned to his book with much more success. 

* * *

The last week of summer passed much the same way for Harry, he would stay up all night, continuously studying and occasionally sleeping only to wake a few hours later from a nightmare. He ate sparingly due to the nauseating effect food had on him, but once in a while managed to keep some down which he was grateful for, since he had already lost any weight that he had gained while staying at Remus'. On the morning of September 1st, Harry could be found in his room packing up the little that he owned into his trunk. Soon it would be time to leave and once again he would have to face the very people that he wanted to avoid. Fighting back the queasy feeling in his stomach he continued to mentally chant his mantra of //I can do this, I can do this. // Over and over again as he loaded his trunk into the back of his aunt's car. She had agreed to take him to King's Cross since his Uncle was already at work and he was relived because he didn't want to have to ask the Weasleys for a ride. They were off soon after he climbed in followed by Petunia.

The trip to the station was made in a semi comfortable silence; Harry would stare out the window watching, but not really seeing, the scenery flash by while Petunia risked glances at him from the corner of her eye. She'd been trying to observe him ever since they had gotten into the car. Rarely had she gotten the chance to see the boy come outside his room, and so for the first time in weeks she was able to get a good look at him. 

She frowned at the detachment with which he seemed to view the world with ever since getting back from the hospital. For a time she wondered if the boy had become emotionally callous toward everything and everyone including himself. Everyday he seemed to die just a little; weeks passed and he kept getting paler and weaker, his fragile body slowly deteriorating, looking like it might break at any second if overexerted or pushed too hard. He looked…empty. And at that moment, Petunia would have done anything if she knew it would help.

Half an hour later when Petunia stopped the car in front of King's Cross, Harry wasted no time in hauling out his trunk and loading it onto a nearby trolley.

"Thank you for the ride Aunt Petunia, I guess I'll be seeing you." He told her quietly and turned to leave. He didn't want to hang around longer than necessary and God knows that Petunia would be glad to get rid of him. After all, who would want a mentally unstable 15-year-old hanging around their house?

"Harry wait." Pausing, he watched with uncertainty as his aunt got out of the car holding in her hand what appeared to be a small jewelry box. Opening it, she pulled out a delicate, gold necklace with an old-fashioned ankh (1) attached to it, and handed it to him.

"It was your mother's," she said after seeing his questioning look. "After you were left with us, I found it hanging around your neck. It was too dangerous for you to wear it like that so I put it away for safe keeping until you were older. I think it's time that you had it back. It was her favorite if I remember correctly; she told me once that it was a graduation present from a friend of hers. Didn't say who though, just that it was a boy and before you ask, no it wasn't your father, just a good friend." She paused while Harry examined the charm a little closer. As a whole it was quite simple. It contained no designs or patterns of any kind, just smooth, elegant lines. Yet, it was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. Flipping it over, he caught sight of an inscription on the back.

"Always?"

"I'm not sure what it means, she never told me. Although I'm not surprised, we were never very close. You have to understand something Harry," she began after a tense moment had passed between them. "Yes Lily and I never really got along, but she was my sister and I loved her. Still, magic scared me, it seemed…unnatural and she was upset with my inability to accept it. After she graduated and got married, things were tense between us but we still talked often. That was until out parents were killed by some evil wizard named Voldemort." Harry's head jerked up at this comment.

"My grandparents were killed by Voldemort?"

"Yes, and I blamed your parents for their deaths. It confirmed all my suspicions that magic was evil and I never spoke to either of them from that day on. A year later they died and you showed up." Harry dropped his gaze afraid to hear anymore. "Harry believe me it had nothing to do with you but your uncle and I were scared. So many people had already died from magic and we just thought that if we could get the magic out of you, then we could keep the family safe. It's not an excuse, but it's the truth and I'm sorry." When she finished, Harry looked up with tears in the corners of his eyes. The explanation was more than he could have ever hoped for. 

While he *had* learned that that his relatives didn't really like him because he was a wizard upon turning eleven, he was thankful to have heard the whole story. It gave him a sense of closure, like he could finally close the door on that portion of his life. He had real answers now, and he was grateful.

"Thank you for telling me. And thank you also for this." he added while fastening the necklace around his neck. "I've had nothing of hers until now and I appreciate it."

"Your welcome." Then glancing at her watch, she noted the time. "Well, you'd better get going, wouldn't want to miss your train now would you?" Nodding his head in agreement, Harry once again took hold of his trolley.

"Goodbye Aunt Petunia, see you next summer."

"Harry, you know that you can always come home for the holidays." But in her heart she knew that he wouldn't. They may have forgiven, but neither would ever forget. Any relationship between the two had been destroyed beyond repair. Despite any wishes otherwise, they would never be anything more than acquaintances with family ties. Harry gave her a sad smile then calmly pushed his trunk toward the barrier never once looking back.

The trip to Hogwarts was an uneventful one. Immediately upon reaching platform 9 ¾, Harry searched for an empty compartment in the back of the train while at the same time trying to hide himself from friends and classmates alike. Then after putting up some well placed locking and obscuring charms, he spent the rest of the trip alternating between studying and thinking of his conversation with his aunt while fingering the necklace.

At the moment he was hiding out in the Entrance Hall waiting for a chance to sneak in unnoticed. It came not ten minutes later when he heard Dumbledore call out,

"And now, we eat!" Followed by the clanging of silverware and loud chatter of hundreds of Hogwarts students. Carefully he opened one of the heavy oak doors an unobtrusively hurried to a seat at the end of the Gryffindor table far away from Ron and Hermione who he saw talking to with the other 5th year students as well as a few older ones like the Weasely twins. No one even realized that he had just sat down.

Dinner was spent picking at his food because he only stayed long enough to learn the new password to the tower which he overheard some prefect telling a third year before rushing off for the library. There was a potion that needed research.

* * *

Draco Malfoy sighed with relief as Dumbledore finally called out,

"And now, we eat!"

He had been sitting there for God knows how long listening to the man ramble on about Hogsmeade trips and forbidden magical items that he honestly didn't care about, not that he cared much about anything but that wasn't the point. //Geez, and people think that *I* like to hear myself talk. //

He had just begun filling up his plate, purposefully ignoring his classmates and their idle prattle when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the doors to the Hall easing open. He watched as the figure crept in and slipped into a seat at the Gryffindor table without making anybody so much as bat an eyelid. //Who is that? A new student maybe? But then why weren't they introduced? // It took some time for Draco to realize, and only then it was by chance when the person had cast a glance over his shoulder and he had caught sight of his eyes, that the haggard figure was the one and only Harry Potter.

//Why isn't he with his fan club? And why is he just coming in now? // It was then that Draco remembered Weasely and Granger running up and down the train pestering everyone they saw about the whereabouts of the boy-who lived that afternoon. //Stupid Gryffindor, probably missed the train again. // But he couldn't help be suspicious about the way Potter was acting, glancing around as if he was afraid someone might see him, jumping at sudden noises, he looked awkward and uncomfortable //not like his usual self absorbed way. // And it didn't fail to escape his notice that the boy didn't actually eat anything either. But it wasn't until he watched the dark haired boy steal away again did he resolve to discover what the famous golden boy was up to. Draco never knew that someone else in the Hall had also noticed Harry's suspicious behavior and had made a decision to keep an eye out for him as well.

* * *

TBC

(1)-a cross with a loop at the top (like a handle).

Review and tell me what you thought.


	7. Chapter 7

Yo. I updated. Thanks to my reviewers, I love you all you make writing worth it! and also, thanks to my beta **Daelan **for editing, and telling me when certain parts sucked (although not exactly in those words). And in case you didn't realize, I changed my name from FireChild3, to By Remy so just be aware of that. (Oh, and I apologize for the wait, as most of you know I'm such a slacker but I'm working on it). And finally, go check out my other story, people seem to like it better so laugh, skip, and be merry (or pippin, which ever you prefer) (and yes I AM a dork). 

I'd also like to say to **Amirathis** that I hope you didn't die from story depravation in the couple of hours that it took me to get this chapter posted after you reviewed. ^_^

RATING: R

DISCLAIMER: No, no I don't own it, and if you don't know who does, why are you here?

WARNING: Angst and slash. You've been warned (multiple times I might add).

Chapter 7:

Closing his eyes, Harry collapsed against the cold stone wall of the abandoned 5th floor storage room. He had just finished putting the final ingredients into the cauldron before him and after three continuous hours of potion making, he was exhausted. He was more than glad that the potion was finished because as it was, if it hadn't been completely necessary, he would have given up before the first half-hour was over. But all that he had left to do now was wait for it to cool and bottle it, and he would be done for the night. //Good thing too, considering it's— // he glanced at his watch //1 o'clock in the morning. Hope no one realizes that I'm gone. // 

Stretching his aching limbs, he thought back to two weeks prior when he had discovered the recipe in his new book, _'Lies and Disguise'. _At first, the potion had seemed perfect because it acted much as a concealing or glamour charm would, effectively hiding all scars and bruises, only stronger since it had to be ingested and therefore could not be removed with a simple spell. But after realizing that the scar on his forehead wouldn't be apparent and that he very well didn't want to have an accident and turn up with no visible damage done, he made a trip to the library to research it further. Now, it had been adapted to only hide self-inflicted wounds and no one was any the wiser. 

Sitting up, he checked the color and texture of the liquid. Then sending up a silent prayer that he had done everything right, he took a drink from the ladle. The corners of his mouth quirked up in the resemblance of a smile as Harry watched his scars and bruises begin to fade away. //Mission accomplished. // Now no one would see, and no one would know, and all of his secrets would be safe.

Getting to work, he began to bottle the mixture in four crystal vials, being *very* careful not to spill any. The potion, although perfect for his needs, still had many downsides. One being that unlike concealing charms which lasted all day, the potion had to be taken every six hours for the disguise to last. Since each vial would last him a week, he already had to endure the painful process of making it once a month and didn't wish that to be extended because he had been careless. That combined with the fact that it contained hydra saliva, which was often hard to come by, once again made Harry cautious of wasting any.

Quickly, he finished cleaning up the mess he'd made before pulling on his invisibility cloak and slipping out of his hidden refuge. He was still amazed at his luck of having found such a perfect place to work. The small storeroom had obviously been forgotten long ago (a point made clear by the amount of dust accumulated on the floor) which assured him that no one would one day accidentally walk in. Also, its secluded location made it a hard place to find and easy to sneak into. Making a point to remember to clean it up at some point in time, Harry started off toward the common rooms and his few hours of sleep purposefully ignoring the unknown voice in the back of his mind that continued to plague him.

* * *

Dawn was beginning to creep into the 5th floor boys' dormitory when Harry decided to get up the next morning. Having long since abandoned the thought of sleep, he slipped from his bed and moved silently to avoid waking his roommates, toward the open window, cautiously peeking out.

It was going to be a beautiful day. The sun was just rising from behind the Forbidden Forest, casting brilliant rays of light across the lush Hogwarts grounds, effectively chasing away any remaining shadows still lurking and causing the dew on the grass and the lakes' shimmering waters to sparkle, creating an otherworldly image. The trees swayed lightly in a gentle breeze that softly caressed his face, birds sang sweetly, their velvet notes euphonious to the ear and occasionally flew gracefully past. Even from many stories up, one could make out the late summer flowers blooming in the extravagant gardens below. It was a glorious day filled with hope, and all these simple majesties combined with the tangible taste of magic in the air overwhelmed the senses.

Yet Harry saw none of it, and he felt none of it. His heart was cold and hardened against such beauty that he once would have looked upon and been filled with joy at the sight of. Now his empty green eyes only saw grief and despair. He felt only the scars that adorned his body hidden though they were, and was over-powered by the cries of those already dead and those soon to be, while the never-ending evil laughter rang throughout his mind. He tasted only the metallic tang of blood on his lips and smelt the decay of all things that once were good. His senses were dead. Harry no longer lived, he merely existed, and he existed for one purpose.

Suddenly he turned away from the window rubbing his scar absentmindedly. Voldemort would get his in due time, he would make sure of it. It might take awhile, but Harry was patient. If it came to it, he could wait eternity. //But no one can run forever. // He thought with bitter satisfaction. 

Harry would have continued to stare out the window for some time, but when he heard the rustlings of his dorm-mates getting up, he quickly snatched his shower gear and headed for the boys' lavatory, not wanting to be the targeting of any questions this early in the day. When he got there, the bathroom was mostly empty, and Harry became suddenly grateful that most of the Gryffindor boys were too lazy to get up and take a shower in the morning.

He took his time showering and brushing his teeth so that by the time he pulled on his robes, it seemed that most everybody had already been in and out. So, he was left to trek to the common room on his own. 

"Harry!" Pausing in mid-step, foot suspended in midair on the staircase, Harry's head flew up, slightly startled by the sound of his own name. But before he located the voice, Harry felt himself being jerked down the stairs, and pulled into the arms of his two best friends while many others looked on. 

"Oh Harry thank goodness! We were so worried!" 

"Yeah mate, where've you been? We looked for you on the train and at the feast—we were gonna go talk to Dumbledore if we didn't see you this morning, but here you are!" Looking at their expectant faces, and then around the room at the twenty or so pairs of eyes that seemed to be riveted to their small group, Harry nodded toward the exit.

"Um, why don't I tell you guys on the way to breakfast?" Following his previous line of sight, Hermione sensed his nervousness and nodded briskly before linking arms with the two boys and pulling them unceremoniously out the portrait hole. Only then did Harry begin his story.

"Man, talk about your bad luck," Ron started once Harry had finished his tale. "Falling asleep on the train and missing the carriages, then having to eat dinner in the kitchens, with Dobby no less!"

"It wasn't really that bad Ron."

"Still, if we had just looked a little harder on the train to find you, this all could have been avoided."

"Look, don't feel bad, it's my fault and mine only. I might have even been able to make the feast on time if I hadn't been so tired."

"Are you sure you're going to be well enough to make it through classes today Harry?" Hermione worried at him. "You look awfully worn out. Are you sure you're not sick? Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey. There are bags under your eyes and you're so pale. Have you been eating enough? Cause it looks to me like—"

"Golly Mione, that's just what Harry needs." Ron cut in sarcastically. "To be informed how bad he looks when he's feeling miserable. You're such a caring friend." 

"Oh Harry, I didn't mean it like that!" Hermione turned to him with pleading eyes. "Well, yes you do look tired, and like you could use a decent meal…or six, but of course you're still as cute as always." She finished with a grin.

"Which isn't saying much." He commented dryly. Knowing full well that lack of sleep, sun, and food, probably made him look like a zombie.

"Oh Harry. Just because you slightly resemble a vampire at the moment, you're still one of the best looking guys in school. I should know, I get my information from Parvati and Lavender. Both boys gave her disbelieving looks and she hurried on. "I mean, I wouldn't trust them with my charms homework, but when it comes to guys, those girls have got their facts straight."

"Mione, you wouldn't trust Dumbledore with your charms homework."

"I'm pretending that your current, unsound state of health has prevented you from thinking properly, Mr. Potter. But if you wish to remain unscathed, I recommend that you keep further comments to yourself." Harry only gave his friend a half smile, and soon he was dragged into the Great Hall for breakfast.

* * *

Harry's last class of the day was potions, and never before had he been more relieved to reach the cold, dungeon classroom. Ever since he woke up, his day had gone steadily downhill and things didn't look to be getting any better.

Because on top of nearly getting sick at breakfast, Ron's constant questioning at why he wasn't eating any thing, having to deal with both Binns and Trelawny, and his classmate's stares at his sickly appearance, now Hermione was giving him the cold shoulder.

He was sure that it wasn't entirely his fault, Merlin knows Ron didn't help any with his silly comments about her pillow having a nice quack and all. Still, how was he supposed to know that she would be so sensitive about something like that? Honestly, they had just been set to changing feather pillows into ducks in Transfiguration today by Professor McGonagall, and much to everyone's surprise, Harry had managed to successfully produce a beautiful, white duck on only his second try. This, in and of its self might not have been too bad, if it wasn't for the fact that he managed it before Hermione.

The best *she* had been able to do was turn her pillow yellow, and give it a beak and feet. Which, granted, was significantly better then what the rest of the class had been able to do but apparently it hadn't been good enough for her, and she refused to speak to either Ron or Harry all the way down to the dungeons. 

Scowling to himself, Harry took a seat next to Ron who was, (to prevent any complications) safely between Hermione and himself in the back of the room. //You'd think with always being the best at everything, she'd be able to handle coming in second once in awhile. // 

Still, Harry knew his friends better than anyone else, and if there was one thing that Hermione took pride in, it was her academic talents. Her ability to understand what a teacher says the first time around and immediately put it into action. And Harry had threatened that. Sighing, he realized that to get Herm to forget about what had happened earlier, there was only one thing that he could do.

An hour into the lesson, he put his plan into action. Despite Neville's frequent mishaps during class, it was actually quite hard to cause an explosion on purpose. Most extra ingredients will either make a potion simply unusable, or tilt its pH to a point where it would be too dangerous to use. An explosion required certain materials to be added together under specific circumstances, and the timing was everything.

So, carefully, while timing his movements, Harry added a couple more dried slugs to his potion than actually necessary, then slowly brought his cauldron to just under a boil. Closing his eyes, and praying that Snape didn't take too many points away from Gryffindor, he threw in a pinch of graymould that was left over from the night before.

The reaction was phenomenal. His potion went everywhere, hitting the ceiling, walls, and every student within a three desk radius. Those that got hit were shouting and frantically trying to wipe it off, while those that hadn't were laughing at their distress, and of course there was Snape, zeroing in on Harry who was covered in muck from head to toe.

"Potter!" Harry sunk down in his seat when he heard his Professor's voice rise above the din which soon began to quite when everyone realized that they weren't going to die or be fatally injured from the 'attack'. "Do you ever even bother to use your brain when you come into my classroom?! Merlin only knows what you've done this time to create such a disaster." He said, eyeing the offending mess his distaste. Harry just stood there looking guilty, and mumbled a quiet,

"Sorry Professor." Snape snarled.

"30 points from Gryffindor for being a complete moron." And with a wave of his wand, the blue-green goop disappeared. "Everyone, get back to work. Except you Potter." Not expecting the humiliation to continue, Harry paused in mid scouring charm that he had cast on his cauldron. Snape was smiling, that was *not* a good sign. "Since you don't seem to be learning much, I think it's quite possibly because you can't hear me all the way in the back of the room. Perhaps you'd like to move up here to the front where it would be easier for you?" 

"Um, no thank you Sir," He stuttered. "I'm fine back here."

"Nonsense. Bring your things over here now." Sighing, Harry packed up his things and cast one last glance back at his friends, who even though had gotten covered in mess, watched him go mournfully. "And since you're already here, you might as well start thinking of this as your permanent seat. After all, I'm sure this little change in location will do wonders for you." The Slytherins snickered loudly, and Snape continued to smile that annoying superior grin, till finally turning back to the rest of the class.

Fuming, Harry once more filled his cauldron with water, and began adding ingredients. All he'd wanted to do was get Hermione to believe that he was no better at school then he was previously, and now he was sitting in the front of the room, with Snape, and his friends all the way in the back. 

Suddenly, Harry smiled.

'With his friends all the way in the back.' Where they wouldn't see him working, or his potion, and where they would never be able to tell how he was doing. Harry left the classroom that day in a very good mood (although he made sure to hide it from his friends). He pretended to listened as Mione (who was speaking to them again), rambled on about God know what and decided that maybe the day wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

Slamming the door shut behind the remaining students as they straggled out of his classroom, Severus Snape sighed, and once again thanked his good luck that he had managed to survive yet another Slytheirn/Gryffindor potions class with a good portion of his sanity left. Heavens above! Did those children *ever* study? How in the world was he supposed to teach, when the imbeciles refused to listen and learn? Hell, even Granger was off her mark today. 

He normally might have blamed it on the fact that it was the first day back, but the students were old enough now to know that they should be prepared to pick up exactly were they left off the year before. //Why do I even bother? From the way things look now, none of those brats will ever be anything more than average at potions. // 

He continued his mental tirade as he stalked back to his desk, until his foot came in contact with something quite slimy and that felt like mush under his feet. //Augh! Damn you Potter. // His wand must have missed this bit, for indeed it was some of the foul contraption the boy had cooked up earlier in class. 

He was about to get rid of it, when he noticed something peculiar. The substance was slightly grainy, which was odd in the sense that nothing in the ingredients could have caused this particular phenomenon. Frowning, he brought the sample to his workstation for further study.

"Graymould," he whispered. "But graymould wasn't even part of the recipe. The boy isn't that daft to be adding extra ingredients. Which means…" Which means that Potter had made his potion explode on purpose. But why would he have done that? And more importantly, how had he known what to add and when? 

Severus was just making himself more confused when he tried to figure it out, so he decided to leave it for another time. Strange things tended to happen around the Potter child, and it was always a good idea to keep an eye on him, so he would. Besides, he wanted to find out what was going on especially since this incident, on top of his odd behavior at the Welcoming Feast made Snape all the more curious.

* * *

Review because I love you and want honest opinions. This means constructive criticism, not flames for those of you who don't know. (And no, I won't bite your head off if you give me your ideas. People have done it before and you don't see them complaining about what a cruel tyrant I am do you?)


	8. Chapter 8

Hiya all. I'm back, aren't ya happy? Anyway, this would have been up awhile ago but I was holding off on posting it. Anyway, it's up so you all can smile and I can go work on chapter 3 of my other story and finish that other smut fic I've been working on for my yahoo group. Which I might add is due in checks watch oh about a week. 

Oh and I just wanted to say that no, I'm not trying to confuse you all with the constant user id changing, but now I'm quite done so relax easy. In other news, I finally wrote my first smut fic! Yup yup, I got it down but it's simply too racy for ff.net so I basically had to take out all the good stuff. But if you want to read the entire thing, either wait until my website is done (yes I'm building one) or just ask me nicely to send it to you ^_^ 

And finally I wanted to ask if you guys would prefer if I started writing replies to your wonderful reviews. Usually I just try to use your suggestions, and thank you all as a whole, but if you'd rather, I could do more. That's it, I'm off now!

RATING: R

DISCLAIMER: This belongs to Rowling not me. Nod your head if you understand.

WARNING: A bit of gore, not sure how much anymore, kinda just figure as I go. And of course slash, although none yet, sorry.

Chapter 8:

It was a process that Harry had come to be familiar with over the past summer, but hadn't yet had the pleasure to experience since the school year had started. But now, kneeling in front of the toilet in the first floor boys' bathroom, the cold marble floor magnifying the hacking coughs ripping through his body, it all came rushing back to him. 

Thankfully though, the retching soon changed into dry heaves and deep panting breaths, until it eventually subsided completely. Finally able to relax, Harry sat back against the stall and began to massage his fingers which had grown sore from clutching the smooth porcelain basin. Thinking back to a little while earlier, he realized that it had been quite a foolish mistake that had led to his frantic rush to the bathroom during dinner; an attempt to pacify Hermione that had resulted in him eating too much and getting sick.

//Just another consequence of playing the role of the dutiful best friend and hero. // He thought to himself. But it was a role that he had long grown weary of playing. He hated the strain that it caused him and the emotional turmoil, and the fact they it forced him to lie to all those that he loved. But at the same time, he couldn't help but feel justified at the thought of all the lies that the ones he loved showered on him in the name of safety and care.

That's what really infuriated him. Everyone thought that they could protect him and all they did was end up making things worse. He could almost understand professor Dumbledore's, and Sirius' and Remus' reasons for not telling him anything. But when a crazed lunatic was after you, it didn't matter it you were 10 or 100, you were going to want to know about it. And he didn't even want to start thinking about Ron and Hermione. They were supposed to be his friends! Friends that told each other everything, and didn't try to hide the truth. But every morning Hermione would somehow 'mysteriously' loose her _Daily Prophet _and Ron would pretend that he hadn't heard any information from his father concerning the Ministry of Magic and the upcoming war.

With a frustrated growl, Harry slammed his fist into the wall beside him. He just didn't know what to do anymore! If only he could get an hour or two to himself to think things over, and clear his head; he might even be able to sort out the never-ending visions of Voldemort, which had thankfully taken a turn for the less morbid, or figure out the reason behind that nagging voice that seemed to live inside his head. But every time he tried to pull away, Ron and Hermione just sunk their claws in a little deeper and dragged him off to where ever they were going. What was wrong with him? Was he that transparent? Was it so obvious to everyone that things were not completely right with him?

//Maybe I should just not bother anymore. // Growing decidedly fatigued with the constant tirade of thoughts and realizing that now was not the time to think about this, Harry pushed his musings of his friends aside to analyze at a later time.

With a groan, he heaved himself to his feet and stumbled toward the sink in desperate need of a drink to wash away the lingering vomit residue and stomach acid burning his throat raw. Turning on the small silver tap, he cupped the cool water in his hands and drank it down, sighing as the pain eased somewhat. Then, with a few quick splashes of water to his face, a breath-freshening charm and a dose of his potion, Harry decided he was ready to go and face his friends. He had just turned to head for the door when he walked straight into Draco Malfoy.

"Going somewhere Potter?" //Oh hell, not now. //

"Malfoy." Harry acknowledged the Slytherin, even though the majority of his brain was screaming at him to simply walk away, and leave whatever the blond wanted to articulate unsaid. 

"Quite a little scene you pulled back there. Was there something wrong with your media coverage that made you desperate enough to seek out alternative means for attention? I mean, that's desperate even for you." Harry scowled.

"For your information Malfoy, I happen to be sick. I got food poisoning this summer and it's still hard to eat. You have a problem with that?"

"So, that's what the potion was for?" 

"What?"

"The potion, the yellow one I saw you drinking? Don't tell me you flushed your brains down that toilet as well Potter." the blond smirked. Harry panicked. 

//Shit. Damn it Potter, look what you've gotten yourself into now. Ok, calm down, take a deep breath and just be cool. He doesn't know anything. //

"Yeah it is, why do you care?" He snarled.

"I don't, but I'm a Slytherin. I make it my business to know these kinds of things." The Gryffindor frowned. Malfoy looked way too interested in the topic of conversation for his comfort.

"Well, happy now? You know, now get the hell out of my way." But Harry didn't even bother to wait for him to move, simply pushed past him and out the door.

//Damn Malfoy. Why does he always interfere? You'd think he had something better to do than spend all his time annoying me. //

"Maybe I should get him a girlfriend." Laughing at the idea of setting his worst enemy up on a blind date, he headed back to the great hall. Turning the corner, he spotted Ron and Hermione hovering in the entryway. Even from where he was, he could see the relief that flooded their faces at the sight of him and he felt a surge of gratitude toward them for their caring and considered for a moment telling them everything, but he quickly repressed it. He wouldn't let them get hurt because of him, and besides, he couldn't trust them anymore.

"Harry! You alright mate?" //And now ladies and gentlemen, round 2. // I'm fine guys, just got a little queasy is all."

"Are you sure Harry? Maybe you ate something bad. You're not getting sick are you?" Harry shared a look with Ron over Hermione's head that showed their exasperation with her coddling which they both had been on the receiving end of numerous times. 

"I'm fine Hermione, I don't get sick remember? Now why don't we just forget about it and go back in for dessert. You up for it Ron?" Taking the hint, his best friend continued the lead. 

"Sounds good to me. I heard that they're serving chocolate pudding tonight."

"Oh Ron, do you ever think about anything besides food?"

"Of course I do! I think about a lot Quidditch too, and girls of course" He winked. "Right Harry?" 

//Just smile and nod. // He told himself. And so he did, and his friends were satisfied.

* * *

Cautiously, Draco stepped out from behind the corner where the trio had been talking, wanting to make sure that everyone was gone. Running a hand through his blond locks, he bypassed the doors to the great hall and continued down the dark stone hallway that led to the Slytherin dorms. Frowning all the while as he thought about what the hell was up with Potter.

He hadn't expected eavesdropping on the other boy and his friends to reveal so much. Hell, he hadn't expected to eavesdrop at all, but he had, and now he wasn't so sure what to think about all that he heard.

Potter had told him that he had gotten food poisoning, but then proceeded to tell his friends that he had simply felt ill. From the looks of things, the Gryffindor had been lying both times, so then what was the real truth? And if it wasn't food poisoning, what had the potion been for? He was willing to bet that Potter's friends knew nothing of it judging from the look on his face when it had been mentioned earlier.

"He's hiding something." Draco muttered to himself after entering his empty common room where he was greeted by dark, forest green furniture, and more gray stone walls. Sitting down on one of the long couches in front of the fire that seemed to emit a faint greenish glow, he thought about it some more. //But what would that goody two shoes have to hide? // Things just didn't add up and Draco was resolved to find out what was up. 

After all, he couldn't very well call himself a Slytherin if he didn't admit that he wanted to know what was going on with his enemy. But as time went by, Draco wasn't the only one that began noticing how things had changed with the golden boy.

* * *

The rest of September flew by in a blur of exam preparation, class schedules, and Quidditch try-outs, and Halloween was just a few weeks away before most everybody began to realize the changing of the seasons. 

Still, even though most of Hogwarts had their noses buried in books, or were grumbling about how they had too much work to do when it was only the beginning of the school year, even the most oblivious students couldn't fail to recognize the oddities surrounding the Boy-Who-Lived.

But the strange quirks were simply ignored by the student body and faculty, passed off as inconsequential. No one paid any mind to the boy's frequent absences from the dinner table or the way he would sometimes disappear for long periods of time. It was seen as insignificant that he hung back from his fellow Gryffindors as they chatted after class, and they dismissed his frequent haunting of the library and refusal to talk as exam stress. Everything Harry did was disregarded, and overlooked, and he liked it that way.

It was only when word got out that Harry Potter would not be playing Quidditch that year that Hogwarts finally sit up and took notice. 

* * *

Review, Review, Review, Review, and find out how much, I love all of you!

~ Alvit the Valkyrie


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